‘Puter’s got some thoughts on the Republican primary results from yesterday, including DNC Chairman Tim Kaine’s glee, ably noted by GorT below.

The DNC has added to its November general election strategy. The plan now has two (and only two) talking points:

1. Republicans are obstructionists who stopped Obama the Great from achieving his heaven-ordained destiny as savior of the world.

2. Republicans are amidst a civil war, and are being taken over by crazies on the Right. Just look at all those nice, normal Washington insiders who lost! What other explanation can there be?

This strategy is as dumb as snake mittens. If ‘Puter were running the RNC, he’d debate Mr. Kaine anytime, anywhere. ‘Puter would respond to the talking points thus:

1. Yes, Republicans were profligate spenders. However, Republicans haven’t controlled the House (where all spending bills must originate) since 2006. Sure, President Bush signed the bills, but he’s no longer president. President Obama is. Stop living in the past. Our years in the wilderness made us realize the error of our ways. We understand that fiscal responsibility is the sine qua non of our political brand. We ask voters to give us another chance. We have heard you, and we will not disappoint you this time.

1(a). Corollary: Do you really trust the Democrats not to spend the entire country into bankruptcy?

2. It is not a civil war to purge Republicans who do not believe in fiscal responsibility. Each of the Republican establishment candidates that has been beaten by Tea Party candidates failed to demonstrate fiscal responsibility while in office. If there is a litmus test for Republicans, it is a belief in fiscal conservatism and limited government. How is voting out people who have, as Democrats like to say, “grown in office” indicative of a civil war?

2(a). Corollary: Sure, loser Republican establishment candidates like Mike Castle in Delaware and Lisa Murkowski in Alaska are fighting rear guard actions against the party’s nominees. This simply proves ‘Puter’s point that these people deserved to be fired. They lust for power for themselves, not for justice for their constituents.

As an afterthought, ‘Puter agrees with Glenn Reynolds (and myriad others) in the analysis that the RNC’s refusal to fund or assist Christine O’Donnell in Delaware is moronic. If the RNC has its heart set on not helping Ms. O’Donnell, there is a far, far better way to do so. ‘Puter would have immediately issued a press release stating:

The RNC congratulates Christine O’Donnell on her hard-fought victory in the Delaware Republican senate primary. The voters of Delaware have spoken, and Ms. O’Donnell is now our candidate. We look forward to working with Ms. O’Donnell’s campaign and to celebrating her forthcoming November win.

Then, you simply give her no support. You’ve said all the correct things, you’ve not publicly run her down and you still cut her legs out from under her. Mission accomplished. When asked later why you’re not actively supporting Ms. O’Donnell, you have a “highly placed source” leak that internal RNC polling shows her race is unwinnable, and as such, you’ve determined your limited funds are better used elsewhere. See? It’s easy, when you’re not a bumbling group of entitled bastards.

The RNC (and Karl Rove’s) reticence to support Ms. O’Donnell does leave ‘Puter with one uneasy thought. What if the RNC has information, not yet public, that makes Ms. O’Donnell radioactive once known? That would explain the unusual (to say the least) public denunciation Ms. O’Donnell. It’s pre-emptive damage control.

Time will tell.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.