Get Well Soon, ‘Puter!
As regular readers know, our own dear Ghettoputer is getting a spinal implant today. With these new bionic parts, he will be able to stand up to union thugs, out-of-control local politicians, liberal Catholics, and sex-obsessed school teachers with even more authority.
We wish him the best of luck, hope his recovery time is short, and hope he will be writing for us again very soon. And please, we do not want the details.
Get well, Geep!
Sincerely,
The Inscrutable Mandarin
孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV)
GorTechie
The Czar of Muscovy
Sleestak
Dat Ho
and all the Tcho-Tchos!
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.