Oh Really, Mr. President?
Our President, Commander in Chief and Supreme Exalted Master of the Obvious had his first press conference since May today.
Ever-reliable Obama apologist Reuters headlines its puff piece on the presser thus: “Obama Says Koran Burning Can Badly Damage U.S. Abroad.”
‘Puter, amidst his back pain and surgical consultations had the following thought: “No sh!t, Mr. President.” So ‘Puter started thinking (drinking is for after work, for which purpose ‘Puter laid off the Soma and Vicodin today) and came up with the following list.
Other Things That Can Badly Damage U.S. Abroad
1. Cancel the F-22 program.
2. Endlessly apologize for America’s deeds.
3. Send President Clinton to kow-tow to the NorKs to get prisoners released.
4. Monetize the debt.
5. Impose protectionist tariffs on Mexican truckers.
6. Implicitly tell the Middle East that we’re not real keen on protecting Israel.
7. Threaten to withdraw from Afghanistan before we’re done.
8. Insult our closest and oldest ally with crappy gifts to its head of state and its sitting monarch.
9. Let Iran develop nuclear weapons unimpeded.
10. Pull the rug out from under Poland and the Czech Republic to assuage the thugs in Moscow.
11. Allow Georgia to be occupied by the Soviets, er, Russians.
12. Try terrorists in civilian court.
‘Puter’s takeaway is this. The Obama Administration has done far greater and longer lasting damage to America than this no talent ass clown pseudo-Christian “pastor” could ever do. The Obama Administration is supposedly comprised of the best and the brightest liberal America has to offer. If this is the best and the brightest the American Left has, it’s no wonder the average American is just itching to vote them the heck out of office.
The entire situation reminds ‘Puter of something he read once. It’s called a “gospel” and it’s a book called “the Bible.” This dude Matthew says this other smart dude Jesus said (Matt. 7:3-5):
Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
Sort of puts things in perspective.
‘Puter would do well to remember Matthew 7:1: Do not judge so that you will not be judged. But ‘Puter just can’t help himself sometimes.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.