The San Francisco Chronicle has this headline: “Judge Orders Military To Stop Discharging Gays.” Out of artillery, or what? This is why people only read headlines.

A Pennsylvania school district that installed remote camera control software in student laptops in order to spy on the student body (or student bodies) admits no wrong doing, but will settle for the small sum of $610,000. Apparently, in order to fund it, they will be docking the district IT director’s pay $61,000 for the next twenty years for coming up with the idea.

Let’s see here. Celebrity news, eh? Well, it seems that David Arquette slept with a bartender while married to Courteney Cox. Well, who hasn’t?

David Schwimmer got married this past June. Yeah, those invites are probably never going to get done.

Brett Favre apparently had some nekkid photos of himself get loose. Now he knows how Jay Cutler feels about embarrassing interceptions.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.