Rocket Man
Well, the Mandarin is too humble to say so himself, but this weekend another one of his projects came to a great success. He installed rockets on Saturn’s moon Enceladus. And why not?
It will be available for a minimal rental fee, should you wish to pilot it around the solar system. Fortunately, scientists think it has plenty of gas, so you shouldn’t run out around Pluto, which is what happened to Charon in 1979.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.