Did the Czar ever tell you the story of the time his grandfather Молнидвак got into the згогberry wine, and tearfully announced that he was responsible for the schism? That’s when Папочка knew it was time for Gramps to go into the old people’s home. And by “old people’s,” we mean the Deep Woods, and by “home,” we mean with an axe in his back.

Something like згогberry wine seems to have happened to Senator Harry Reid during his debate with Sharron Angle. When asked why insurance carriers should be compelled to cover mammograms and colonoscopies, he cleverly replied,

We need them to be forced to do mammograms. That’s why you see breast cancer awareness month. You see the baseball players wearing pink shoes, and you the football players having pink, uh, uh, helmets. It’s because people dread breast cancer, and you don’t get breast cancer, you can—correct breast cancer—you detect it if you do mammograms. Colonoscopies, if you do colonoscopies, colon cancer does not come because you snip off the—things they find when they go up and—no more, and we need to have insurance companies do this….

It is indeed hard to argue with that.

But it is clear that Harry Reid should be sent home. And by “sent,” we mean defeated in the upcoming election. And by “home,” we mean…well, you know.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.