Dread and Awful Czar,

If you can have the first, second, or third of something, what happens if you have less than the first? This is bugging me to no end.

Indeed, verily, you can have the zeroth of something. It is not a word that many spell-checkers will recognize to be sure, but the word has been around for a while. For example, you can look up the zeroth law of thermodynamics. That, incidentally, arose as a basic law that was finalized well after the first, second, and third laws of thermodynamics. However, rather than call it the fourth law, they opted for the zeroth law because it is such a simple concept (if you have three objects, and the first and third objects have reached thermal equilibrium (the same temperature), and the second and third objects have reached thermal equilibrium, then the first and second must also be at the same temperature). Generally, in physics, you want your laws numbered based either on increasing complexity, or because the second depends on the first, the third on the second, and so on. So zeroth it was!

Dread and Awful Czar,
Please settle a bet. Can you recall of the top of your head what the aspect ratio was for Hardbodies 2? An island principality off the coast of India is riding on this one.

1.85:1.

Dread and so on,

In August of 1978, I went to a Philadelphia Phillies game. I think they were playing the New York Mets. I do recall the final score was like 10-1 or something. Anyway, I was sitting next to a guy who worked with my friend Tom. He was super quiet, and I was trying to describe him to my wife. I think he was introduced to me briefly when we got there, but I’m now totally drawing a blank. Do you have any idea what his name was?

Brian Puralewski. And he didn’t actually work with Tom; he was a parts supplier who got the tickets and had to take at least one client. The game was August 12, 1978; Randy Lerch pitched for the Phils. Your seat was in the 600 level (642).

Czar,

My 14-year-old daughter is stuck on a homework problem. The problem is x/17 = 3/51. Solve for X. She said the products of the means must equal the products of the extremes. But is 3 an extreme or a mean? How do we solve this?

There is no way to solve this problem. It is evidently a trick. Send us the teacher’s name, who is foolish enough to attempt trickery on a child, and we shall put him down into the dirt with one swing of our axe. GorT says x could be 1, but he probably used some super-advanced calculus to get that. Seems fishy, doesn’t it? Doesn’t 1 sound way too easy? Truly it is a trick.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.