Foreman says these jobs are going, boys, and they ain’t coming back.

Unemployment benefits start to end today for up to two million Americans. To hear the liberals tell it, heartless Republicans are stealing Christmas from children, and burning Toys for Tots to heat their palatial manses.

Here are the facts:

1. Unemployment benefits have been extended to 99 weeks. Using ‘Puter’s limited math skills, he has determined that this is nearly two years.

2. Republicans have agreed in principle to extend unemployment benefits so long as the benefits are paid for. Republicans have stated that some of the unspent stimulus money should be used to do so. Democrats simply want to borrow and/or print more money to extend the benefits.

3. Despite liberal claims, unemployment benefits are not stimulative. You are taking from the working, whether through the direct unemployment insurance tax, or through stealing from future generations by bonding, so there is no impact to unemployment insurance. It would be equally “stimulative” to leave the money in the pockets of those who earned it in the first instance, rather than “spread[ing] the wealth around.”

4. People cut off from unemployment are not thrown to the wolves. Private charity, as well as state and federal welfare programs, still cover them. It’s more humiliating to tell everyone you’re now officially a ward of the state, but you’re no worse off.

Here are some random ‘Puter thoughts on the issue.

If you are unemployed for 99 weeks, you are doing something wrong. Look, ‘Puter understands that the economy stinks, and that good jobs are few and far between. In fact, ‘Puter understands this better than many, as he lives in Upstate New York where the state is on a jihad to drive every last money-making enterprise to North Carolina or Texas.

As noted in the linked article above, beenfits average about $300 each week. That’s a $7.50/hour job, working 40 hours per week. That’s only $0.25/hour more than federal minimum wage. ‘Puter’s fairly certain WalMart and McDonald’s are hiring, and usually at better rates of pay. And yes, job pay versus unemployment pay is apples to apples, as both are taxable income. ‘Puter used gross amounts for simplicity’s sake.

One has an obligation to society to get off one’s ass and take a job — any job — after a certain amount of time, no matter how humiliating the job may seem. Otherwise, you’re a freeloader. ‘Puter has always believed that no one is above any job. There is dignity in all (legal) work, so long as you comport yourself appropriately. It’s a good lesson in humility, as well as a reminder that one’s life is what one makes of it. ‘Puter’s met janitors who are happier than surgeons, and it’s all a matter of outlook.

Certain jobs, as noted above, are going, boys, and they ain’t coming back. At least not any time soon. Think manufacturing in Upstate New York. Think auto building in Michigan. Think building trades in California or Nevada. Think pretty much any job in Ohio.

Just because you’ve worked your entire life for one employer, laying a rivet into a quarterpanel on an assembly line and making $70.00/hour plus benefits does not mean you are (or even should be) guaranteed that job for life, despite what your union tells you. Many of the long term unemployed are in industries that are dead or dying. Pretending these jobs are coming back, and all one has to do is wait for the economy to turn, is delusional.

If you are unemployed after 99 weeks (i.e., claim you can’t get a job at even minimum wage), there is something wrong with you, not the economy. You may need to retrain for a new industry. ‘Puter hears debt collectors are hard up for people willing to spend 12 hours a day dialing for dollars. You may need to move, even if it means leaving your family and friends behind. Jobs are more plentiful in Texas than in New York, for example. Heck, start your own danged business. It’s better than being a ward of the state.

All this being said, the Republicans are morons for not extending unemployment benefits until the middle of January, whether paid for or not. Sure, standing on principle is great red meat for the base, but it’s not the base that wins you elections. It’s the vast center, many of whom are either unemployed or have a family member who is. The money spent for a six week extension is a drop in the bucket, and it takes away the Ebenezer Scrooge caricature liberals are sure to trot out shortly.

And when Republicans are seated in the next Congress, the House will be free to not put forth any program that is not fully paid for.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.