Attn: Valued Customer
From: UBN Information Officer (fighterz—–0101@att.net)
To: Mr. Czar Muscovy
Date: January 21, 2011
Subject: Attn: Valued Customer
We write to bring to your
notice about your pending
payment of 5.5 Million USD.Your pending
payment is now confirmed by the UN and authorized for immediate
wire transfer to any Bank
account you will provide us
with.For verifications, you are to
fill out your personal details
as requested below in the
plain form, and send back to
us quickly.
Complete Name:
Sex:
Date of Birth:
Country of orgin:
Current Home Address:
Job Employment:
Tel Number:
Office Number:
E-mail:
Date:
Immediately we have received
the above requested details,
verification will be carried out, and you will be notified.Thank you!
Signed,
John E. Norman/Payment Coordinator
For Questions, please, call
John E. Norman,
Payment Coordinator
Stallion Plaza 36, Marina Lagos, Nigeria
Mobile: +234 702 939 6119,
Dear Mr. Norman,
The Czar of Muscovy is in receipt of your notification of pending payment approval. In order to expedite the payment process, the Czar is delighted to respond to your request for further information.
Complete Name: Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію МЫ, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй
Sex: More often than you, probably.
Date of Birth: Масленица, 1267
Country of orgin: Rossiya, near the Dubne River
Current Home Address: The Castle Gormogon, 1 Castle Drive, Plateau of Leng, Wisconsin, USA
Job Employment: Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію МЫ, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. Also, head of tourism for the Castle Gormogon
Tel Number: 7
Office Number: The Czar’s library is on the ninth floor.
E-mail: It is evident to us you have this already
Date: Today
We trust this is enough to verify our identity and for you to send us the $5.5 million cash to us. In the event you are unable to do so, we are delighted to inform you that, for your convenience, we have your actual name through a whois search as Abejide Kayode, and that you live at 84 Ighodalo Drive, in Bodija, on the second floor. Members of our okhrana are already positioned outside that address waiting to accompany you to the UBN Bank. If you are unable or reluctant to turn over that small amount of money to us in cash, our people have been instructed to bring you to the Castle, here at the Plateau. There, you may make the payment to us in cash in person, or else you may work off this debt by participating in an experiment of The Mandarin’s, who will be most happy to have your bone marrow. We cannot promise this to be a painless experience, but you do understand the complexity of the financial transaction you proposed to us without any prior solicitation on our part.
The Czar thanks you for your generosity and we assume you will make the necessary payment as described above. We hope that you come visit the Castle sometime of your own accord—without risk of the Tcho-Tchos eating your ribs while you are alive.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.