‘Puter’s going to break a few of his own rules (including but not limited to: engaging in ad hominem attacks) in this post, so hang on.

New York State Sen. James S. Alesi (R-55th) is a self-entitled asshole. There, ‘Puter’s said it. In addition to being a self-important asshole, Sen. Alesi is also ‘Puter’s state senator, so ‘Puter’s got that going for him. What, you may ask, causes ‘Puter’s bile to rise so early in the day? What has Sen. Alesi done to ‘Puter? What’s the basis for this intense animosity?

‘Puter dislikes Sen. Alesi for the usual reasons. He has been in politics most of his adult life, including being a member of the New York State Legislature since 1992, and a member of the state Senate since 1996. As such, he is one of a handful of New Yorkers who presided over the spectacular flame-out that is New York’s economy. No tax too high, no union concession left behind.

But what’s got ‘Puter really flaming angry today is that his state senator, immediately upon securing reelection, decided to sue a constituent homeowner in whose partially constructed house Sen. Alesi broke his leg.

Please read the linked article, but here’s the nutshell according to Sen. Alesi (hereinafter, “Human Effluvium”):

Human Effluvium and an unnamed person entered a partially constructed residence in or about January 2008.

The house had been sold to Mr. and Mrs. John and Janet Hecker (hereinafter, “People Doing the Right Thing”).

Human Effluvium, after breaking and entering and trespassing, determined he just had to see what was on the second floor of the unfinished structure.

Being unfinished, the structure had no stairs to the second floor.

Human Effluvium diligently searched and found a ladder, placed it so as to access the stairless second floor, commenced to climbing, and promptly fell, breaking his leg.

People Doing the Right Thing generously choose not to press charges for trespass.

Human Effluvium campaigns for and wins reelection, whereupon he promptly sues People Doing the Right Thing, ostensibly for negligence in not keeping Human Effluvium out of the partially constructed structure.

Human Effluvium has recovered from his injury, and can carry on his daily life.

‘Puter did spend some time thinking before breaking his rules. Sen. Alesi is a public official whose actions brought the leg injury on himself. Further, Sen. Alesi’s appalling lack of gratitude to the homeowners for not pressing charges in the first instance figured into ‘Puter’s calculus. It is yet another example of New York’s entitled political class sticking it to the constituents. Accountability and personal integrity are for the little people.

And, as a shout out to any enterprising Democrat and Chronicle reporter or insurance defense lawyer on this matter, ‘Puter has heard a rumor from relatively reliable sources, contemporaneously with the injury itself, which sheds a more sleazy light on this entire episode. In a fit of anger, ‘Puter originally included the rumor in his post, but removed it as he does not have the time to confirm to truth of it, though ‘Puter believes it to be true. To do so would be as dishonorable and despicable as Sen. Alesi has shown himself to be.

If any reporter or counsel would like to hear and to investigate the rumor, ‘Puter can be contacted at the email address to the left.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.