Après Moi, le Déluge
dear ,
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Yes, the Czar is quite interested in your detailed business proposal. Your risk analysis seems quite sound, and you appear to have eliminated most of the early investment volatility. However, your investment strategies seem so perfectly thought out that rather than invest in your enterprise, the Czar would like to purchase it outright. Please contact the Czar at the Castle to begin the transaction. Believe it or not, but you will not get a better offer for your business. Because if you refuse, we shall simply take what we want and leave you nothing but an open husk of a ribcage. This is no a joke.

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.