‘Puter has been remiss about sharing his correspondents’ insightful mail. So, here’s an extended dance version of ‘Puter’s Male Bag!

Correspondent Bag Man writes in concerning ‘Puter’s brilliant Time Sucks rant:

I’m not in the habit of leaving comments (or emailing) to bloggers, but there was something rather disturbing that I found in one of your recent posts:

“It’s irresponsible in that publication of violent threats encourages similar behavior in other unhinged folks. It’s telling, in that Time found nothing objectionable about the letter.”

What’s the deal? I thought this exact sort of statement is what had the bloggosphere lit up just a short while ago. “If we let them publish x, then it will cause all the crazies to do y”. It’s utter crap. Yes, the letter was published in bad taste. Yes, the editor should be dragged out back and beaten by the press club. But seriously? I’m actually rather shocked that you, the indescribable Ghettoputer would fall into such a bare faced logical fallacy.

Irresponsible publication indeed!

Indescribable Ghettoputer is a totally rad nom de guerre! As to the substance, ‘Puter responded to Bag Man that he was correct. ‘Puter should have more carefully made the point he intended to make. ‘Puter responded:

[‘Puter] thinks crazed morons should be able to say this sort of thing. However, it is hypocritical of Time (and others such as the No Labels gang) to rant and rave about incivility on the part of the right, and then to not only look the other way, but actually publish, threats of violence by those with whom they agree.

Up next concerning this post is the tumescent Gormogon Operative G.D. who advised ‘Puter to look more closely at Mr. Barmettler, excoriated here. Turns out that Mr. Barmettler has written to Time before, espousing an odd, Malthusian viewpoint:

Looks as if we have outsmarted ourselves again. What else besides monarch butterflies is being killed by the pollen from pest-resistant designer corn [SCIENCE, May 31]? Hundreds of types of flora and fauna are already on the endangered-species list. Others are being stamped out before receiving the protection that would guarantee their survival. The human population is due to hit 6 billion in a few months. I see a day coming when way too many humans will share the planet with nothing but starlings and cockroaches.

Excellent tip, G.D.! There will be a few extra dong in your paycheck this month! These data further reinforce ‘Puter’s supposition that Mr. Barmettler is a far left, fact challenged activist. Enough said. ZOMG!!1!!eleven!! FRANKINKORN!!1!! CARGILL EATS YER BABEEZ!!1!1!!ADM USES PUPPIES’ BLOOD TO FUEL THERE CORPARIT JETZ!!11!

Concerning the latest installments in ‘Puter’s frequent anti-Hippie Catholic diatribes, Operative M.E. writes to confirm ‘Puter’s observations on Hippie Catholics and to reinforce Operative HRE’s impressions concerning a conservative Catholic resurgence:

Back at my old parish in Phoenix, I saw first hand the new wave of conservative priests. Several years ago the parochial vicar, whose first assignment after ordination was with us, left to go study in Rome; when we heard that he was coming back to be our new pastor there was a race to see who could come up with the best Father John moment.

For some it was when he looked around after Communion, and noticing that the pews were far emptier than earlier before, led us in prayer for the souls of those who left right after receiving the host. For others it was when someone’s cell phone would ring and he would halt the saying of his homily or some other part of Mass in order to glare at the offending party. All remembered the spontaneous, almost monthly, lectures he would give right after the announcements on how to properly celebrate some part of the Mass.

My favorite was the homily that we all informally knew as “Yes There Is a Hell and God Will Love You All the Way to It.”

When Father John came back he fired the school principal (ours was the only national Blue Ribbon school in the state) because she refused to change the way Catholic doctrine was taught to students, changed the music in relegating the contemporary/hippie music to only 1 of the 5 masses, and put more Latin back into the Mass.

His predecessor, who is the now the youngest bishop in the United States and was another of those great young priests, got the ball rolling on many of these initiatives but it was Father John who really put the pedal to the metal.

I live for now in the DC area and sat through yet another a Mass and yet another parish where children misbehaved, half the parishioners cleared out before the end, and there wasn’t enough energy during the service to power a light bulb. To top it the homily almost put me to sleep; thank goodness Father John puts his homilies up on iTunes because tomorrow morning he’s going to hit Matthew 7:21-27 out of the park.

See? Operative HRE is correct. There is a rising crop of solid, traditional, serious Roman Catholic priests. And thank God, because it’s none too soon. And ‘Puter extends his compliments to Operative M.E. on his rock-solid writing and grammar. ‘Puter suspects a Catholic education in M.E.’s background. ‘Puter’ll just have to review GorT’s cloud memory for the relevant surveillance tapes.

Last but not least is Dr. J and his thoughts on ‘Puter’s proposal to establish market values for teachers’ salaries. The Royal Surgeon writes:

There is a private sector comparator for ‘underpaid’ public school teachers. It is the private school teacher.

Dr. J.’s parents and spouse are proud products of non-Jesuit Catholic education. Papa J. educated by Christian Brothers (Andorians to the Jesuit’s Vulcan, if you accept the analogy) while Mama J. and the lovely Mrs. Dr. J. are diocesean school educated. Dr. J., the little intern, and soon the little med student attend(ed) non-Catholic independent schools.

Dr. J. can assure you that all of our teachers were paid lower wages and had less generous benefit packages than then their regional public contemporaries. The NEA will argue their jobs are easier, they could take those cush jobs because spouses made more money, they are independently wealthy or took vows of poverty in the case of clergy educators. Those are straw men arguments. The truth is each individual teacher, who is in a situation where there is almost universally a ‘therapeutic alliance’ between parent, teacher and student, is held individually accountable. They can’t hide behind seniority or tenure due to the scale of the entity employing them and the fact that each parent has scratch in the game.

Dr. J. likes your hiring plan. Each district should be run more like a private not for profit where the management can hire and fire who they please.

Excellent points concerning the private sector market in education. ‘Puter had not considered it. ‘Puter is still partial to his plan, because as we all know, ‘Puter is always right, no matter what Volgi would have you believe.

Thanks for writing in, one and all, and please keep on doing so. Mostly because it makes Czar really, really angry when ‘Puter gets fan mail.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.