*** WARNING: GRAPHIC LANGUAGE. SERIOUSLY. ***

In this week’s issue of Time* (Mrs. ‘Puter subscribes. Don’t get ‘Puter started.), there’s a letter from a pro-union reader commenting on Time’s article on the Wisconsin public union showdown. The letter contains the usual whining from union apologists, but also includes the word “teabaggers.”

‘Puter was actually shocked. Not by the word itself, but rather by the fact that a once-great news magazine published a letter that used the word “teabagger” to refer to an entire group of Americans.

For those not in the know, liberals have adopted the word “teabagger” as a pejorative to refer to Tea Party members and/or sympathizers. Teabagger is a slang term which describes a male person who places his testes into the mouth of his partner for sexual gratification. It’s usually used in the male homosexual context, though it fits both heterosexual and homosexual couples, or however many folks get invited to Time’s Christmas — oops — Holiday Party.

This is not a very polite descriptor for a large group of relatively mainstream conservatives. Using the term to describe Tea Party members is disrespectful and juvenile. It says more about the user of the term than the person subjected to its use. ‘Puter would have thought beneath any mainstream, supposedly neutral, news magazine to publish such hatred. But ‘Puter guesses not. It’s become all about toeing the liberal line for Time, apparently.

So, now according to Time’s new working model of using obscene terms to describe mainstream political movements, it’s OK to refer to all Progressives as “ball suckers.” Or maybe global warming advocates as “cock gobblers.” Can ‘Puter call the Blue Dog Caucus “baloney smugglers”? Can ‘Puter accuse the Democratic Leadership Committee of “doing deep knee bends in the cucumber patch?” Is it appropriate to call George Soros a “rear buccaneer” or a “tuckus Tarzan?” Or how about calling Time’s partisan editors “fanny bandits?” No, it’s not OK to call political opponents names, particularly patently offensive names.

‘Puter doesn’t call his political opponents names. Sure, he may ridicule, with supporting data and opinion, their views, but no name calling. ‘Puter saves the name calling for his fellow Gormogons. Name calling doesn’t contribute one whit to ‘Puter’s occasional semi-lucid arguments. In fact, if ‘Puter resorted to name calling, it would detract from his argument. ‘Puter tries his best, and sometimes fails, to be appropriately respectful of others’ rational beliefs. But ‘Puter doesn’t ever recall calling someone an obscene term on these here intarweb thingies. And ‘Puter’s not reaching Time’s alleged circulation of 3,400,000 in 2009 (down from 4.2 million in 1997, perhaps because of lowered standards).

‘Puter’s actually disappointed in Time. Time is willing to sell out its journalistic ethics to give the liberal side of the aisle childish giggles, and to contribute to the climate of rhetorical excess it claims to loathe.

For shame.

*Time does not yet have the letters from this week’s issue available online. ‘Puter will provide the writer’s name and the actual phraseology later today.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.