David Spriegel, student intern at the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum, found two notes amid some already reviewed documents that have now confirmed to be written by Lincoln himself.

The first note, though succinct, clearly reflects the future 16th president’s simple but unmistakeable rhetorical style:

Tad,

Please stop leaving the butter out.

—Dad

And another, longer note, appears to have been written about 1844.

Mary,

Can you set the DVR tonight at 5:00? I think that episode of Friends is on that we keep missing, where Monica makes all the lasagnas and Joey gets the foosball table. I’m gonna so flip out if we miss that one because it’s like the fifth time.

Should be home by 7, depending on traffic. Love ya!

—A.

Of particular interest to historians is that the latter note was written on the back of a receipt from the Wynn Las Vegas.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.