Цесаревич and the Czar have returned from the Sunday morning showing of X-Men: First Class. The movie has been getting some odd reviews: most of the mainstream critics seem to dislike this movie, although the reasons why are inarticulate. Roger Ebert, for example, said the best character in the movie is John F. Kennedy; beyond that, he did not care much for the film or its message.

And what message might that be? The Czar had a theory, and went to see it. We hope the following contains no spoilers for you.

(Wait, Czar: was it good?) (Well, it was quite consistent in terms of the story line of the other movies: if you remember those well enough, you can easily follow the details of this movie. Special effects were superb. Kevin Bacon? Great villain and one that has been missing from many of the Marvel movies: a guy who can truly kick the asses of any group sent against him and who really could destroy the world. But overall, the plot arc and dialogue felt like filler material written in a couple of days. If you have a choice, go see Thor first.)

Now, about the message, and why many of the mainstream critics may not have agreed with what was done here.

— Nazis are bad.

— Commies are just as bad.

— Russians are good people, but Soviets are seriously bad.

— Americans are good. In fact, the CIA actually does have our interests at heart, even if they sometimes don’t get things right.

— Be very careful of people who are charming and promise a new socialized culture of order under their reign. They tend to conspire with communists, and possibly even worked with Nazis. Even if, officially, they do not really consider themselves as one of them.

— If you are different in any way, you stand a better chance of living quietly among Americans than you ever will under socialists or communists.

Now. Why would so many mainstream movie critics object to the messages? Well, read them again. Then look at your average mainstream movie critic. Ah yes: another pro-America Marvel movie, one that openly portrays communism in a negative light, and (perhaps worst) one that is already #1 over the Hangover 2 farce.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.