There has been no immediate end of discussion on the latest Time magazine PR disaster—an article that openly suggests that the Constitution is becoming an out-moded document. Sure, the article is framed to investigate whether the original intentions of the Constitution are being met today, and that there is legitimate controversy surrounding its value and interpretation in the modern world. But then, that presupposes Time is a legitimate news entity, and not a pop-culture rag written for people with little attention spans facing a longish wait in a dentist’s office.

Let the Czar make this simple. There is no controversy. Yes, there are a handful of lefty elitists who insist the document no longer applies, but this is because they really hate the fact that Constitution has them pegged—the Constitution is rigged to trip up anyone who seeks to oppress. In a reflexive manner, if you have no intention of doing the American population harm, there is nothing in the Constitution that will stop you.

The Constitution is the only good thing that ever came out of a committee. Think about that: if the document were written in, say, 1995, the Preamble would almost certainly sound like those vacuous public school mission statements, where every single participant was forced into contributing one idea:

We, the People of the United States of America, in order to provide a rich, diverse environment strongly expressing a goal to transform and expand our potential, promote a welcoming background, and maximize our self-respect in an equal sphere of outreach, personal growth, and tolerance, do hereby establish this Constitution to allow our citizens, residents, visitors, and partners a solid, community-based opportunity for friendship and realization of the ideals that make us united.

As proof of its validity, you will consider that no reliable estimate exists of the sheer number of countries, governments, organizations, businesses, societies, and political groups who have borrowed from it liberally or just in part.

The document has been amended only 27 times—and most of these are clarifications or expansion of who is included. Really, there are only about six amendments that the original authors would consider corrections to the original text. No other product of government averages only one error every 40 years.

The people who assembled the original document came from a strange variety of different viewpoints, but had one thing in common that negates any dismissal by irrevelance as to their being “old, white landowners.” They understood tyranny much better than we do today, because they lived it. They not only recognized it in all its forms, but knew how it begins, transforms, seizes, and chokes. They knew tyranny’s every gesture, wink, and stalking technique, and what elements in a person’s psyche allowed it or encouraged it to happen. And they put a stop to it. Proof of this is that in 222 years, no one has really found an effective way to get around it. No one.

In a few short paragraphs, the Constitution still protects us. Those who suggest it is out-moded cannot demonstrate the contrary; many have tried, around the world and through history, to seize control or overpower us or replace it. Its earliest test was its greatest—when massive superpowers were unable to grind us under their heels. It survived manipulations in the 20th Century, when academics cloaked in legal squid-ink attempted to institute a fascist state here. And it survives the loud-and-foul-mouthed elitists of today who deplore a series of checks and balances, and of people who openly wish we could be more like a totalitarian state like China.

There is only one test of relative relevance: in 25 years, which will be around? The Constitution, perhaps with one more amendment but just as likely not, or a small murder of crows who question why it denies them the ability to overrule us all?

The Czar suggests you bet on the document. Because it knows our enemies better than they know themselves.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.