And It Is Saturday
The Czar will be in big trouble if you tell anybody about this. Fortunately, ‘Puter never reads this site, so we should be safe.
His brother Krizz called him yesterday, and said “Need your help, bro. There’s a skunk somewhere on my property. He’s sprayed my dog three times in the last three days. The dog smells terrible! How do I get rid of the smell?”
‘Puter said, “You need to bathe him in lots of tomato juice. It won’t be perfect, but it should help a little. Go do it now, and I’ll call you back in 30 minutes to see how it went.”
So, 30 minutes later, ‘Puter calls Krizz back. “How’d it go?” asked ‘Puter.
“Not so good,” Krizz said “I had a real hard time getting the skunk in the tub.”
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.