ME writes in.

Your Dreaded Czarness,

As a current resident of Germantown (though hopefully a temporary one until I return to badlands of Arizona), I beg your permission to embark on a quest to look for the spot at where you briefly held court in this humble town. I will see that this spot will be marked by a monument commensurate with your magnificence and that will be sufficient to proclaim your glory to future residents of the Germantown, Boyds, and Barnesville. If I fail to find that glorious spot I can always ask Ernie the Mooch who works the corner at Middlebrook and Frederick Road, he seems to know everything that has gone here for the past few decades.

I know the convenience store that was robbed. I have enjoyed many an over-priced Slupree there, often staring off into the middle distance at the nearby drainage ditch and in my mind’s eye seeing the President trying to get the economy out of that ditch but of course I always refuse to help. However your comments as to motive got my thinking as well:

1) A spontaneous group of 20 to 30 people brought together by social media in order to accomplish a specific task? Not buying it. From personal experience, it’s hard to build a commonality of purpose out of any group larger than 6 to 7 people without some degree of formal structure; it also takes a greater degree of purpose to commit criminal mayhem than it does say to dance in the middle of Grand Central Station. Somewhere there is a leadership cadre who is providing both the coordination in getting all of those people to show how and then the personal leadership to focus those people as to the task on hand.

2) Motive: It’s possible that the goal of all of this planning was simply swiping some Slim Jims and Moon Pies and then having a good laugh about it but I doubt it. By the same token, it could be simply a viral response to all the other “flash mob” incidents that you mentioned but I doubt that too for the reason that each of these incidents has as its base the common racial component. I have seen first hand that the propensity for younger folks to commit various acts of criminal mayhem knows no racial/ethnic boundaries; if these people were merely inspired by those other events than we would have seen a Rainbow Nation of incidents by now.

So the question now is what to be gained from doing these things? Better, who gains?

Rather who gains from seeds of suspicion sowed about the motives of groups of young black people? Who will profit from the polarization of the community on racial lines when the first report emerges of a store owner not permitting entrance to a group of young black people?

3) Thank goodness the Germantown incident didn’t involve violence but I cannot help but notice that the places where violence has occurred (Philadelphia, Wisconsin, Chicago) have (currently or until recently) very restrictive gun laws. Back home in land the of scorpions and rattlesnakes, it seemed like every other person I met was CCW. When I discussed the “flash mob” violence with friends back home, none of us thinks for a second that we would see any such violence in Arizona because we knew (and most importantly any prospective criminal would know) that any such mob would risk being riddled like a Parisian colander long before the local constabulary showed up.

You can either be a victim or at the very least you can take one with you.

The Czar is skeptical about a link between gun laws and so-called “flash mobs.” Could be—but the evidence is not strong enough yet to make such a link. Even in areas with concealed carry, convenience store clerks are not usually armed. Simply hit the store when there are no other customers, and you are probably quite assured of not being popped.

However, your main point is spot on: how impromptu can a massively organized criminal act be? Your answer: not at all, and we think you are exactly right.

The Czar also thinks there is a curious match between the media’s use of flash mob to describe both this manufactured urban violence as well as the protests throughout the Arab world. It ain’t a coincidence if you’re a leftist.

And indeed feel free to find that spot, wherever the hell it was at zero-dark-thirty hours when we got there. Our ride never showed up, and the car only seated four and there were something like eight of us. Hence, one group left the other behind. And the Czar, being the muscley axe-wielding icon of No Mess With Dat, was a logical choice to stay behind and guard the others. Mandarin went in the first car, but came back with the second car because that is the quality dude he can be when he lets his guard down after getting stewed at a seafood place in Baltimore.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.