E.J. Dionne’s column in today’s Washington Post complains that the Right unfairly harangues Warren Buffet for his advocacy of higher tax rates on the rich. Mr. Dionne’s descent into Leftie, partisan nonsense is distilled into these few, precious lines:

Wealthy people, by definition, have done better within this system than other people have. They ought to be willing to join Buffett and Edwards in arguing that for this reason alone, it is common sense, not class jealousy, to ask the most fortunate to pay taxes at higher tax rates than other people do.

Oh. People who do better should be legally obligated at the whim of others to have the fruits of their labors redistributed.

Let’s see. Mr. Dionne, ‘Puter is guessing, is not Warren Buffet rich, but he’s probably fairly well off, even in high-cost Washington, D.C. Mr. Dionne has worked hard through the years to gain his position among the pantheon of liberal opinionators. Mr. Dionne used the same schools and roads and infrastructure that Mr. Buffet did in making his fortune.

How’s this for a deal, Mr. Dionne? Because you have done “better within this system than other people have,” ‘Puter has determined that Mr. Dionne must now distribute to ‘Puter 33% of his annual column inches to ‘Puter to be used in a manner ‘Puter in his sole discretion shall determine. ‘Puter may choose to use those column inches by inserting critiques in the middle of Mr. Dionne’s columns. ‘Puter may sell those column inches to GoDaddy.com to be used for racy ads. ‘Puter may feed the column inches to the moat monster. Who knows what ‘Puter may do? He likes hisself some hijinx, he does. After all, Mr. Dionne, redistributing the fruits of your labor at an increased rate against your will is only “common sense,” right?

‘Puter told you so. He told you this donkey dung argument was going to be the left’s new class warfare meme. ‘Puter told you so in this post regarding Elizabeth Warren’s uneducated rant regarding wealth redistribution. Get ready for more of the same, because this is Obama’s 2012 reelection campaign in a nutshell: class envy.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.