In case you did not realize it, the Republicans held their 85th debate tonight since the start of the year. Fox went for schtick with Google/YouTube supplying the questions; that got tiring, but when you think about it, the candidates were asked much better questions than anything the media airheads have been coming up with. Go figure.

Alas, too much of the debate was a rehash of the last thirty or so, and therefore it could be effectively reduced down to the most entertaining five minutes. Which you could probably watch on YouTube, so talk about dust to dust.

Rick Perry and Mitt Romney both continued with their Bickersons routine, quoting and misquoting each other’s recent books. Romney has definitely caught on to Perry’s trick: when he quotes from your book, hit him back with one of his own quotes. But it is getting tiring watching these two play this game of quotable grab-ass. Move on guys. Of course, in reality, they know they are the top two contenders, and basically are ignoring every other candidate.

Dr. Ron Paul was almost completely avoided, being asked easy and safe social questions. Absolutely all foreign policy questions were steered away from him, no doubt at the request of the Ron Paul campaign. “We can’t afford any more cuckoos shooting out of his mouth,” someone told Fox.

Gary Johnson wins line of the night with his neighbor’s two dogs creating more shovel ready jobs than the President. That right there will get him invited to the next debate, and given even more time. Curiously, he is an openly libertarian candidate, and the Czar suspects America got enough of a good look at Gov. Johnson, and that Dr. Ron Paul’s popularity will tick downward as a result. They have a not-at-all wacky libertarian alternative who makes sense.

Michele Bachman continues to beat the same drum. Her only new comment was that she did not mean or say what she meant or said about vaccines causing mental retardation, which no one remotely believed. We watched to see if she even flinched when the question came up, but she did not—instead she provided a well-rehearsed answer that seemed too canned to be heartfelt. Congresswoman Bachmann is in the final days of her campaign.

Jon Huntsman was a little more dynamic tonight, and probably got more speaking time tonight than he did in all previous debates combined. Alas, for him, he insists on sneering at the moderators with his Spock-like eyebrow raised at each question, and this is a definite turn off. He was a little more judicious in his use of humor tonight, but he is easily in sixth place right now.

Rick Santorum continues to demand explanations. Once again, he delivered some powerful body blows, but still comes off as exasperated on stage. He can debate…boy, can he talk. But while he has excellent command of the facts, and a compelling argument for common sense, he shows that he might be a plausible Secretary of State…but will never get into the top two slots.

Newt Gingrich is still playing the annoyed uncle who is fed up with your shenanigans. Yes, as before, he deserved much of the applause he got with his barbs and stingers toward the media, but he is too concilatory toward his opponents: he clearly understands that one of these folks will be our next President, and wants to stay in very good graces with them. When Speaker Gingrich promised yet another Contract with America, the Czar rolled his eyes. Newt is still convinced nothing has changed, and it is still 1994.

Herman Cain we saved for last. His moving description of his battle with cancer, and his carefully worded explanation that if ObamaCare were enacted to the letter a few years ago he would now be dead, won him deep admiration from the crowd. Likewise, his heroic statement that as Israel goes, so goes America—followed by his foreign policy doctrine of Total Clarity, means that Herman Cain remains a fascinating and compelling character. Some of the candidates on staged referred to him as vice-presidential. Can you imagine? We can. Herman Cain may not have a prayer of being president, but he has certainly won over the other candidates. Huntsman shook his hand during the debate on the very question of his potential as a VP.

In short, we got a lot of the same. Too much of the same, really. But if the Czar had to pick a winner, it was Herman Cain. And he did it without a single snide comment, body shot to Perry or Romney, or dismissal of the media. A class act.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.