Much like a huge swath of America, the Gormogons huddled up last week to conduct our fantasy football draft.  GorT tried to maintain order and put out a schedule where the first round would start at 1700 on Wednesday evening.  He had terrabytes of data analyzed and 14,536 scenarios calculated for the first 4 rounds of the draft.  ‘Puter was all set – he had a 5-gallon industrial cooler filled with Manhattans and a large bottle of Huy Fong chili sauce with garlic for whatever anyone else brought to eat to the draft.  He did no other preparation.  Dr. J pulled some strings and obtained the medical records for the top 200 players in the draft and is largely basing his draft strategy around metatarsals, plantar faciiitis and various other physical ailments.  The Mandarin kicked Dat Ho a number of times into buying one of those fantasy football magazines although, we all feel that this was just cover for some evil plan that we could hear sizzling behind the door to his lab.  The Volgi ran the names of the top 50 players thru a multilinguistic analysis looking for “rebbieħa“.  The Czar fought tooth and nail – he bemoaned the draft, the past time, and various other aspects for weeks leading up to the event.  The suddenly he grew quiet a few days prior. 

It went about as well as you would think a Gormogon draft would go: Mandy took Tom Brady with the first pick, ‘Puter took LeSean McCoy and GorT took Drew Brees, Sleestak then asked if Tom Brady was already drafted and was pelted with Huy Fong sauced wings which proceeded to burn his sensitive skin.  While he went to hose down in the moat, the Volgi jumped in and drafted 亞倫羅傑斯 – but GorT’s drafting software auto-translated that.  The Czar then screamed out, “Rick Perry”.  And we all knew his evil plan for the draft.  Chaos ensued as GorT frustratingly tried to keep the draft on track, Dat Ho ran crying out of the room for some reason only known to ‘Puter.  The Mandy retired to his lab snickering and the Volgi kept screaming out various names in one of fourteen different langues.  The Czar proceeded to try to draft Pope John Paul II, Elvis and Groucho Marx.  Sleestak never returned from the moat and ‘Puter downed the cooler and the remainder of the chili sauce, grabbed his grenade bandolier and headed for the balcony overlooking the moat.  Dr. J looked at GorT and asked, “how in the world did I get involved in this?”

We hope everyone enjoys the 2011-12 NFL Football Season!

GorT

GorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including subsidizing this website. Some of the products he has introduced from the future include oven mitts, the Guinness widget, Oxy-Clean, and Dr. Pepper. Due to his immense cybernetic brain, GorT is able to produce a post in 0.023 seconds and research it in even less time. Only ’Puter spends less time on research. GorT speaks entirely in zeros and ones, but occasionally throws in a ڭ to annoy the Volgi. He is a massive proponent of science, technology, and energy development, and enjoys nothing more than taking the Czar’s more interesting scientific theories, going into the past, publishing them as his own, and then returning to take credit for them. He is the only Gormogon who is capable of doing math. Possessed of incredible strength, he understands the awesome responsibility that follows and only uses it to hurt people.