Focus on E.J. Dionne’s column today. Mr. Dionne writes concerning Obama’s Magic Technicolor Domestic Automaker Bailout and Secured Bondholder Screw-a-thon. There’s just so very many things wrong with this column, ‘Puter’s having a hard time picking a place to start.

1. “GM Is Back, Thanks To Uncle Sam.”

That’s the actual headline. Seriously. Someone got paid to write that. ‘Puter guesses that headline’s technically true, but at what cost? bankrupting the government? Interfering with our rule of law? Hells yeah! We saved (or created) jobs! It’s worth it! Never you worry that in so doing, you’ve caused businesses to sit on the sidelines for two years now.

2. “Have you noticed that one of the Obama administration’s most successful programs is also its most “socialist” initiative?”

Holy Sweet Baby Jebus In The Manger Surrounded By Barnyard Animals Of Every Type With Loving, Non-Jewish Looking Parents Looking On! What program is Mr. Dionne referring to? The one where the government interfered in bankruptcy, ignoring law, threatening bondholders and illegally cramming down secured creditors in a manner reminiscent of Stalinist Russia, Red China or Chicago? Or perhaps the one where GM “repayed” its government loans with money reborrowed from TARP, which everyone has agreed to pretend is not part of the government? Or maybe the one where UAW members got to keep all their jobs and gave up nothing of import desite the UAW’s role as a prime mover in GM’s fiscal woes?

That may be a success to a leftist looking to buy off a core constituency with other people’s money, but to the rest of us who don’t breathe the rarified air of the self-anointed Washington in-crowd, we know what really happened. We got screwed. And Mr. Dionne and President Obama were hoping the economy would have turned around by now, and we would’ve all forgotten. Fat chance, Mr. President.

We remember, and we’re not likely to forget between now and Election Day. Heck, ‘Puter’s been limbering up his wrist to fill in the circle next to anyone on the ballot not named Barack Obama. It’s going to be like Christmas and Happy Hour rolled up into one giant ball of happy.

3. “This month, the United Auto Workers and GM reached a tentative four-year contract that will add or save some 6,500 jobs, provide workers with a $5,000 signing bonus and enhance a profit-sharing agreement.”

Great. Just fantastic. Mr. Dionne, who casts aspersions all over Wall Street “fat cats” in the name of his concept of fairness, is perfectly content to sit idly by as the UAW, every bit as unworthy of a bailout as Wall Street was, gets richer.

Heck, GM hasn’t even paid back its loans to the federal government yet, nor has Turbo Tax Timmy and His Funky Fresh Treasury Department liquidated the government’s remaining shares of equity in GM. How about the American taxpayer get paid back first, as a little thank you from the UAW for its continued existence? But no. Mr. Dionne and his buddies at the UAW think we’re all suckers, and justifiably so, for we’ve been played as such.

4. “Anybody have a problem with that?”

Yes, Mr. Dionne. Please see the above rant.

5. “In August, GM announced that its second-quarter profits had nearly doubled, to $2.5 billion. To put that in context, in April 2010, GM reported losses of $4.3 billion. Revenue at GM rose 19 percent, to $39.4 billion.”

Let’s see if you can follow this, Mr. Dionne. The feds bailed out GM to the tune of about $50 billion. That money was supposed to be a loan, but instead, the government agreed to treat it as a stock purchase. Why’s that make a difference? Because you book a stock purchase as equity, not debt. If GM had to carry a $50 billion debt on its books, it would have been insolvent the moment it emerged from bankruptcy. But you’ll never hear this from Mr. Dionne or President Obama. Mr. Dionne’s notion that GM is anything but a dead man walking is either delusional or a lie.

6. “The larger lesson is that there are two ways to approach the problems capitalism inevitably runs into. One is to pretend that there are iron rules prohibiting us from doing anything at all. We are supposed to have faith that an invisible hand will eventually put matters right; in the meantime, we must accept any slap in the face the invisible hand might deliver.”

Well, Mr. Dionne, we’ll never know, will we? President Obama chose to singlehandedly determine GM’s fate rather than trust our well developed legal system which has a peculiar institution designed expressly to deal with bankrupt companies. We call it “bankruptcy.” People have written books and laws about it, and there are special courts and everything. You may want to look into it. You won’t believe it!

And the reason bankruptcy exists is to do exactly what FDR and Mr. Dionne address: buffer the invisible hand’s blows. Bankrupts are not truly wiped out, they are permitted to keep sufficeint funds so they can pick themselves up and start again. It’s not fun, but it’s surer than Hell better than removing moral hazard from the economic system. If you want to know what happens when moral hazard is removed from a system, go take a look at the welfare system.

7. “Franklin Roosevelt described the other way in 1932: ‘Our Republican leaders tell us economic laws — sacred, inviolable, unchangeable — cause panics which no one could prevent. But while they prate of economic laws, men and women are starving. We must lay hold of the fact that economic laws are not made by nature. They are made by human beings.'”

Um, not exactly, Mr. Graven Image of Democrat Worship. If economic laws are from man, and man is from nature, then economic laws are from nature. Personally, ‘Puter thinks our economic laws are merely reflections of nature, but that’s him. Our system of economics is a recognition of commercial interaction set to maximize human freedom, while at the same time limiting damage to the weakest among us. At its best, our economic laws reflect natural reality, while cushioning its blows. And it wasn’t economic laws that caused the panic in 2008; it was human nature (greed) and market tampering (government intervention). It had nothing to do with economic laws.

In fact, the crash was a perfect storm of economic truth. Bubbles pop. End of story. Why the bubble inflated (government encouraging homeownership to the unqualified through a process of buying up shitty first payment default loans; insane mortgage products condoned by regulatory watchdogs in furtherance of the homeownership shibboleth; greedy homeonwers sucking out all home equity on the way up and living beyond their means; etc.) is irrelevant. But bubbles exist, and they always — always — pop. This notion of a slow deflation is a lefty economist’s pipe dream.

8. “We can seek to control our fate, or we can turn the invisible hand into a God who commands us to be helpless.”

If, in controlling our fate, we end up destroying our society by driving it to the poorhouse, are we really better off than under Mr. Dionne’s hypothetical “God who commands us to be helpless?” ‘Puter thinks not.

9. ‘Puter’s been awfully ranty of late. But this hare brained article required a quick and forceful refutation, lest its lies gain traction. ‘Puter wishes he had better command of the language, so he could fully explain to you the jackassery that is Mr. Dionne’s discredited world view.

‘Puter’s final thought for the day is this. Between Ms. Warren’s big government, socialist quote yesterday, and Mr. Dionne’s false screed today, it’s become apparent to ‘Puter that the Obama White House is attempting to change the tone pre-election in Washington. It’s going to be all class warfare, all the time, with President Obama seeking to portray himself as an FDR-like champion of the little man.

We won’t let him get away with it.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.