Your Mandarin almost choked – and it wasn’t on a balloon – when he read this article discussing the new EU toy safety directive being implemented across Europe.

As your Mandarin read through the article he had to go back and check the web site address to ensure that he wasn’t reading a “story” from the Onion.

Your Mandarin gets the fact that letting a child younger than three years old play with a balloon is probably not a smart idea since they tend to put everything they see into their mouths. Your Mandarin may also be conditioned to not over react to this behavior since he and his fellow Gormogons are constantly pulling things out of Puter’s mouth that shouldn’t be in there.

In addition to the government warning against any child under the age of eight blowing up a balloon, there is now an out-right ban on any toy or party favor that has a whistle or magnet. Then there is the ban on non-washable teddy bears, since if you can’t wash them there is no way to remove the plague inducing filth that can reside on them. Maybe we can have this new regulation extended to the French.

In response to these regulations, professor of sociology at the University of Kent Frank Furedi had this to say:

“Toys and activities, such as blowing up balloons, are part and parcel of the type of children’s play that helps them become independent and self reliant. These bans diminish the experience, both of having fun and learning, by turning play into a danger zone with rules that stifle life and adventure for children.”

Your Mandarin suspects that if the EU spent more time addressing their imploding economy and their “exploding” Islamic extremism threat instead of whether a balloon is the greatest threat to civilization they would not be on the brink of collapse.

The Mandarin

The Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced the Gormogons into England during the 18th Century.

The Mandarin enjoys spending time with his pet manticore, Βάρἰκος, or Barry (who can be found in the Bestiary). When not in the Castle…well, frankly, nobody is quite sure where he goes.

The Mandarin popularized the fine art of “gut booting,” by which he delivers a powerful kick to the stomach of anyone that annoys him. Although nearly universal today, the act of gut booting or threatening someone or something with a gut boot is solely due to him.