You are the editor of a newspaper or television news program. The following stories come across your desk, and you need to decide which ones to relate or ashcan:

1. A Republican presidential candidate’s father leased a parcel of land for hunting, and quickly painted over an offensive word he found on a rock; the candidate also ensured the offensive word remained covered, and commented publicly that the word offended him. ACCEPT REJECT
2. A Republican presidential candidate’s father leased a parcel of land for hunting that had a racially offensive word displayed on a rock. ACCEPT REJECT
3. An American girl in Italy is tried for the murder of her roommate; although the evidence is damning, the investigation is largely bungled and she is found not guilty and released. She returns home to a hero’s welcome. ACCEPT REJECT
4. An American girl in Italy is tried for the murder of her roommate; although the evidence is damning, the investigation is largely bungled and she is found not guilty and released. She returns home a possible cold-blooded killer on the loose. ACCEPT REJECT
5. A governor of New Jersey is encouraged to run for President, which he declines. He is asked again, and insists he has no intention of running. He is asked to give it one more thought, and he takes a few days to consider. Again, he declines, saying that nothing at all changed from his earliest decision. ACCEPT REJECT
6. A has-been/never-was musician stuns the world by saying Obama and he playing golf together would be like Hitler and Netanyahu playing golf together: ain’t gonna happen. His 20-year-old theme song is yanked off Monday Night Football. ACCEPT REJECT
7. A has-been/never-was musician expresses his First Amendment rights by saying he abhors President Obama and Vice-President Biden. His 20-year-old theme song is yanked off Monday Night Football by the network that, a week ago, openly laughed at the thought of a Republican woman being raped. ACCEPT REJECT
8. The President is outraged that the Congress, led by Republicans in the House and Democrats in the Senate both, rejected any idea of passing his jobs bill. ACCEPT REJECT
9. Undoctored and unquestionable photographs have emerged that show Barack Obama, in 2007, marching openly with the Black Panthers, an admitted criminal and intimidation racket. ACCEPT REJECT
10. The Attorney General of the United States is exposed in an email openly lying to Congress about his involvement in a fumbled sting operation that resulted in over two hundred people being killed, some of whom were completely innocent bystanders, and with serious possibility that this information was known to and ignored by the President himself. ACCEPT REJECT
11. Michael Jackson used the services of a doctor who supplied him with lethal doses of surgical anesthetics. Here’s a picture of his body in the hospital! ACCEPT REJECT

Please do not tell the news media we are on to them. This is too much fun.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.