Another Debate?
The GOP brat pack had yet another debate tonight, this time in South Carolina, this time on CBS, and this time the subject was foreign policy.
It was a total bore. In fact, here is the entire debate. Make up your own question.
Jon Huntsman: The only foreign policy worth discussing is my view on China. Anyone who talks about anything else is missing the point, and anyone else who talks about China is wrong. China, China, China.
Michele Bachmann: I will now name every ethnic group in Pakistan, speak 14 different languages, call the Kazakhi assistant deputy director of foreign affairs on his cell phone, and recite the registration numbers of every Chinese naval vessel; it won’t matter, because you are only going to call on me twice tonight.
Herman Cain: I will establish a group of experts on that very question, listen to what they tell me, and then form my own opinion. Like any business person, I will not actually provide you a deliverable until my contract is signed.
Mitt Romney: What a fascinating question. The answer is only one facet of my 159-point plan to address that very issue, although I would like to point out that President Obama has done nothing of value. Next question.
Newt Gingrich: Look, I can provide you the answer that each of my seven colleagues up here would give you, because I have memorized all their policies. I answered this question back in 1981, and it doesn’t take a B+ journalism school graduate a lot of time to look it up. I like this notion that I can tell you exactly what’s wrong with North Korea in 60 seconds. This is how you see the world? Sound bites?
Rick Perry: Yes. We will cut funding to every country completely, until they prove to me whether they want to be friends with America. My entire foreign policy is carefully tuned to match my domestic policy: a quick slam-bang statement intended to bring me applause.
Ron Paul: Foreign policy? What the hell is that? Look, it’s perfectly simple: you gotta, you know, a tri-mast schooner navy, and then before you know it, China has the bomb, and you get stuck in Congress with a melon. [Applause.] And then the President, who by the letter of the Constitution, knows that the whole thing is, what, now, almost within the mark of the international global economy. Right? [Applause.]
Rick Santorum: Can I have two seconds? Just two seconds? If I had two seconds, I would like to point out that every one of these people is wrong. If you just give me two seconds, I can explain…two seconds…would you j— I want— could you pl— aw, come on!
There. The Czar spared you the trouble.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.