Borepatch, whom we read every day, writes your Czar:

Man, I don’t know where you find those [Help Wanted ads] (must be a local Alt-Weekly that’s not on the ‘Net), but they were filled with win.

BTW, Uncle Jay says “hi”, and is likely soon showing up outside the Castle with the remnants of the Mongol Horde. Where he keeps coming up with this sort of thing, I don’t know. Srlsy, how cool is the Mongol Horde – I think that he’s been haunting Mongolian BBQ joints in his travels.

Thanks, Borepatch! Hmm. A rather cryptic comment about Uncle Jay, the Czar thought.

Then he got this from the Big Guy:

Following a guiding star:

Nov 23 – TBG departs Cowford FL -Northbound W/family, along with 200 Caloosa & Timucuan native warriors in complete war kit.
Nov 24 – Spent holiday with extended family in Green City in The Carolinas. Native warrior following expanded by annexation of a large group of Creek braves.
Nov 26 – Family heads back to Cowford, TBG travels on across N. Georgia with warrior contingent. Numbers growing daily.
Nov 28-29 First Nations Legion makes bivouac near the giant steel rainbow on the banks of the Great Water.

The host accidently travels south through the land of the Red People, picking up a contingent of Choctaw and Cherokee fighters. The directional faux pas is due in part to TBG’s lost compass and inability to ask local indigenous people how to find north. Overcast skies further exacerbate directional confusion.

Legion numbers now in the thousands- scouting parties laying waste to the countryside foraging for food…
7-11 stores and Pilot Truck Stops at special risks due to warrior’s infatuation with Slurpee machines.

The entire host stops on the banks of Runaway Bay in the northern Tejas region. Warriors sharpen skills with intramural sparring- the losing side tasked with KP duty and laundry service.

12/4:
TBG spends the last couple days researching new shooting sports event, and is finally able to source a new compass, additionally downloads Google Maps for his Android phone;
Entire host back on the road northbound, heading for next target: Blackhawk Nation, on or by 12/7-12/9

12/4 – Late PM, confab of tribal leaders of TBG’s Army working on unifying the different regiments come up with a plan to rename the combined legion with a Southern identifier – choosing the Magnolia flower as a representative sigil for the extended force.
Regimental leaders send out communiqués to troop and squad leaders informing them of their new designation of “Magnolia Host”, unfortunately auto-correct kicks in on their iPhones and name is transmitted as “Mongolian Horde” instead.
To a man, the collective host have no clue who the Mongolian Horde is/was, so TBG orders a gross of DVDs of the movie “The Conqueror” for the multitudes to watch on their laptops and portable DVD players…. The body of warriors agree to identify as “The Mongolian Horde, v. 2.0”, even though TBG is even more unbelievable as Genghis Khan than John Wayne was…

The Horde is finally moving North again… Advancing on the Stink Onion and the theoretical location of Castle G like gangrene taking over infected appendage…

You have been put on notice.

Shoot, Uncle Jay, just come on up! The location of the Castle is hardly a secret. From our Visitor’s Guide:

The Castle travels in time and space, but can be found on the Plateau of Leng, when it appears just outside of the scenic hamlet of Fond-du-Lac, Wisconsin.

Take Route 45 North to Kinker Road, and turn right (heading East). This will become Westmoreland Drive (Exit 5). Head North to Castle Road and follow the signs.
If you reach WI- 114/10, you have gone too far North. You’ll soon know what that means.

Guests of the Castle may park in the rear for free, behind the Hippodrome. One of our Tcho-Tchos will be happy to park your vehicle for you, or at the very least, tear your seats apart with his teeth. If you need help with your bags, feel free to ask, and they will hurl them off the plateau.

A big Hey to both Borepatch and Uncle Jay, and their many respective followers whom we also love. Except for Jeff Abermann, who ought to be punched in the face.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.