Welcome to Leng, Suckas
As you know, the Castle welcomes hundreds of visitors a year. Many of them make it back home safely. Internet boulevardier Uncle Jay mentioned that his Golden Horde (well, we think he said “hordes”) was going to lay seige at the Castle, and we gave him directions.
Those of you who have never been to our Castle before might be curious what would happen if someone actually attemped to follow those directions. As the Big Guy says, he can’t say he wasn’t warned. But at least he made it home safely.
Thanks, also, to the mighty Borepatch, who is dead right about the bourbon. We keep a really nice stash here at the Castle, to which he and the Big Guy are most welcome to share.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.