‘Puter has been remiss in posting lately. There are a couple of reasons.

First, ‘Puter has been lights-out crazy at work. ‘Puter’s in the financial industry, concentrating in the secondary market for sub-performing and non-performing secured commercial debt. Think Bain Capital, one step removed, where we buy the company’s debt, not the company itself. Based on the insane amount of paper in the market this early in the year (first quarter is a notoriously slow time for loan sales), ‘Puter thinks the economy has stabilized, and may be improving. The sheer amount of available paper (not to mention the dollars chasing it) is indirect evidence that banks are confident enough in their balance sheet valuation of assets that they can afford to take losses, and mark remaining assets to market. It’s an indication that banks are going to start lending again. This is a good thing.

Second, ‘Puter’s medical staff switched up his ADHD medication. Apparently, after retesting ‘Puter’s meager IQ, the good doctors noted statistically significant improvement in cognitive uptake, but not sufficient improvement. That is, even with the help of 72 mg of Concerta daily, ‘Puter still wasn’t right in the head (a full standard deviation below his IQ in various areas of cognitive function). Now ‘Puter’s on 40 mg daily of Adderall. And what a difference the Adderall has made. ‘Puter can now focus for 12 hours straight, enabling him to stay on task, form coherent thoughts and generally do the job he was hired to do. This, too, is a good thing, except for ‘Puter’s back, which is taking a beating from all the chair time.

Unfortunately for the two members of the ‘Puter fan club (“Hi, @MbernadetteE and @greatgrace84! EleVEnTy1!!!1!1!!”), the combination of one and two means that ‘Puter’s postings have dipped significantly. In the near term, ‘Puter’s posts will be sporadic, until work calms down. In the longer term, ‘Puter’s aiming to return to his normal pre-medication posting schedule, now with more ranty goodness.

Thought you all would want to know. Both about the economy and about ‘Puter’s health. Or not.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.