In today’s Washington Post, we learn that the Vatican has openly reprimanded the Leadership Conference of Women Religious, a group that claims as members approximately 80% of Roman Catholic sisters and nuns.

The Vatican bluntly stated its investigation “found serious theological errors in statements by members, widespread dissent on the church’s teaching on sexuality and ‘radical feminist themes incompatible with the Catholic faith’ … .” The Vatican’s findings comport with ‘Puter’s recent experience with Roman Catholic nuns. The Vatican has a problem with priests being off the doctrinal reservation, but the nuns are far worse.

Want an example of such flawed interpretation by a nun? The WaPo happily provides one, though ‘Puter’s certain the reporters intended the following text to show Sister Simone Campbell and her sistren as victims. And who better to play the victim than an older nun who also just happens to be an attorney and head of a lobbying group singled out by the Vatican as being “silent on the right to life.”

Leave it to the WaPo to find Roman Catholic nuns dedicated to the pro-abortion cause. But back to Sister Simone. Let’s take a gander at the depth and breadth of her understanding of the Roman Catholic Church. Sister Simone spoke thus:

Campbell sees the current tension between male and female Catholic clergy as a part of a post-Vatican II democratic evolution within the church, but worries that the male leaders fail to recognize the “witness of women religious.”

“I made my vows over 40 years ago to serve the people of God and that service is unseen in this document,” she said in an interview.

“It’s painfully obvious that the leadership of the church is not used to having educated women form thoughtful opinions and engage in dialogue,” Campbell said.

Awesome. Thanks for a completely erroneous assessment of the situation, Sister Simone. The Church does not fail to recognize the witness of women religious. It frequently does so. The Church and its theology honor women and their special place in society, in the family and in Jesus’ life.

It is not “failing to recognize the witness of women religious” for the Church to have and to enforce a theology that differs from current liberal nostrums. Nor is it “failing to recognize the witness of women religious” to promote a consistent ethic of life, including opposition to abortion, birth control, the death penalty and euthanasia. It is not “failing to recognize the witness of women religious” to state women and their sexuality are demeaned and commoditized by modern society, and complicity in this grave evil is unacceptable.

And what’s this bat guano about a “post-Vatican II democratic evolution within the [C]hurch … .” ‘Puter hopes that filth didn’t spew forth from the good Sister’s mouth. ‘Puter’s a cradle Catholic, and at the leading edge of the first generation of Catholics raised post-Vatican II. ‘Puter’s not the best catechized, thanks to the aforementioned female religious and priests, but he does know this much: Catholics don’t vote on their leadership, Protestants do. The Roman Catholic Church is not now and has never really been a democracy.*

‘Puter’s said it before, and he’ll say it again: liberal hippie priests and nuns have ruined a once great institution, gutting its core values and working as a Fifth Column to bring down the Church from the inside. ‘Puter, for one, is pleased to see the Church hierarchy reclaiming its right to set doctrine and to punish dissent. ‘Puter hopes to see more of this, including a forceful public pushback on doctrinal issues, and better use of social media to educate people, to join the debate and to defend the Holy Mother Church.

‘Puter does not begrudge Sister Heretica — er, Simone — her personal theology and doctrine. ‘Puter’s problem is that, like with many of his nominally Catholic friends, her views are not Catholic. They’re Protestant (mainline, not evangelical). When Catholics of standing take positions known to be in opposition to Church teaching, they damage the faith and mislead Catholics and non-Catholics alike as to the Church’s true positions. And for this reason, the Vatican is correct to call her and her ilk out.

‘Puter would respectfully (really) suggest to Sister Simone Campbell and to the other nominal Catholics out there that they would be much happier as Episcopalians. There is not shame or failure in leaving the Church if you do no (or never have) believed its non-negotiable tenets. And, in the long run, you’ll likely be happier elsewhere.

‘Puter even promises to pray for you, because, as we all know, if you’re not Catholic, you’re clearly going straight to Hell.**

*Before all you Bible-knowing Protestants run to your rooftop roosts to send off a carrier pigeon to ‘Puter at Castle Gormogon, yes, ‘Puter has read Acts and is familiar with the history of the early Church, so cool your jets. ‘Puter’s point is that the Roman Catholic Church, in its current form dating back to all but the earliest years, was never democratic. Heck, even Jesus wasn’t democratic. ‘Puter doesn’t recall any portion of the Gospels where Jesus said to the assembled masses “Well, jeepers, you all. I guess since you all think that it’s too tough to love God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind, and to ove your neighbor as yourself, well, I’ll just ignore God’s infallible command and bow to your will.” Stinking ass-hat liberal hippie nuns and priests. Ruining the Church for everyone.

**Hi, @greatgrace84 and @fwoodbridge! I’ll sneak you in the back door to Catholic Heaven. It’s much more fun than Protestant Heaven. There’ll be drinking and dancing and cavorting and easy, drunken Irish women (and men). And I’ll know right where Heaven’s back door is, because I’ll have to sneak in myself.

/leaves, still muttering
//gets in car
///drives to Church
////goes to Confession
/////gets on with day, all Jesused up and forgiven

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.