Where the Hard Left seesa looming apocalypse, ‘Puter sees jobs

Dr. James Hansen vomited a histrionic, hyperbolic and hysterical (in all senses) op-ed piece onto ‘Puter’s breakfast table this morning, via the self-anointed arbiter of all that is true (i.e., in accord with the liberal world view of the moment), the New York Times.

Before digging into the manifest absurdity of Dr. Hansen’s juvenile screed, let’s look at Dr. Hansen a bit more closely, shall we? Readers may be interested to know that Dr. Hansen has, well, ethical challenges, in that he’s hidden outside income from his employer, which is a big no-no. Also, Dr. Hansen’s been known to massage data to reach his preferred outcome, which, as we all know, is what good scientists do.

Now that we know a little bit more about a man whose actions indicate he is a liar and a thief, let’s see what he thinks about anthropogenic global warming, the cottage industry/religion that has made him rich.

In Dr. Hansen’s second paragraph, after discussing Canada’s processing of its oil sands into oil it then sells to the United States, Dr. Hansen lets us in on a secret:

Ah. Using naturally occurring resources to create jobs and power our lives will, definitely and without exception, destroy our world. ‘Puter’s certain that such a respected liar, er, scientist, must have loads of incontrovertible proof to make such an outrageous claim (“He invented the question mark!”). You’d think so, but no.  Not much else other than “I’m Dr. James Hansen, and I say so!”

You’d think that making an outrageous claim about Alberta-geddon and the forthcoming arrival the end times’ heralds, the Four Half-Tons of the Apocalypse (Chevy, Ford, Nissan and Dodge. Dodge rides the pale horse.) would be sufficient for the good doctor.  But no.  Check out this hackery:

If we were to fully exploit this new oil source, and continue to burn our conventional oil, gas and coal supplies, concentrations of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere eventually would reach levels higher than in the Pliocene era, more than 2.5 million years ago, when sea level was at least 50 feet higher than it is now. That level of heat-trapping gases would assure that the disintegration of the ice sheets would accelerate out of control. Sea levels would rise and destroy coastal cities. Global temperatures would become intolerable. Twenty to 50 percent of the planet’s species would be driven to extinction. Civilization would be at risk.

 Ah.  So if we get together in some giant petroleum based Burning Man spinoff in the middle of Alberta and ignite all the oil sands at once, there will be more carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.  OK, good doctor.  Let’s assume for the moment that we can convince the hippie stoners to relocate Burning Man from the Nevada desert to Alberta, convince the filthy hippies the oil sands are really THC sands, thereby causing them to ignite the landscape.  What then?

The Doctor tells us that sea levels would revert to the Pliocene levels, 50 feet above today’s levels.  Huh. Also, we learn from the doctor’s irrefutable scientific analysis that temperatures would become “intolerable.” Neat.  Too, twenty to fifty percent of the world’s species would be driven to extinction. Hopefully, driven there in a large, fuel guzzling one-ton Chevy 3500HD Dooley with a 6.6 liter Duramax diesel linked to a six speed Allison tranny. Sweet.  Not to mention the aforementioned “civilization … at risk.”

But wait, as they say on ‘Puter’s favorite infomercials, there’s more!  Not only is civilization itself at imminent risk of destruction in the longer term, the near term sucks as well!  Listen to the clarion call of Dr. Hansen, ye non-believing enviro-heathens! For only the Doctor anointed by Our Gore can deliver us from this evil!

That is the long-term outlook. But near-term, things will be bad enough. Over the next several decades, the Western United States and the semi-arid region from North Dakota to Texas will develop semi-permanent drought, with rain, when it does come, occurring in extreme events with heavy flooding. Economic losses would be incalculable. More and more of the Midwest would be a dust bowl. California’s Central Valley could no longer be irrigated. Food prices would rise to unprecedented levels.

The Great Plains are going to get drier, warmer and dustier. Semi-permanent (?) drought with little rain.  Hmm.  That’s unprecedented. Nothing like that’s ever happened before in human history, particularly not in the very Great Plains region to which the good doctor refers, and certainly not during the 1930s. Why, America would never recover from such an event!  We also learn that California’s Central Valley could no longer be irrigated. ‘Puter just loves unsupported statements. How about desalination of the rapidly rising oceans, with water piped in from the nearby Pacific Coast? Pure conjecture, ‘Puter knows, because we all know it’s impossible to desalinate water and then to ship water long distances via aqueducts. Last, we hear food prices will rise to unprecedented levels. Gee whiz.  That’s tough. Food prices have never in human history risen unnecessarily because of stupid, uneconomic, government mandated regulations, like turning all our food into ethanol so it costs more to feed livestock and produce anything containing corn. Such a world as Dr. Hansen describes is simply unimaginable.

Now how much would you pay? Just hold on a minute.  Dr. Hansen’s willing to throw in even more unsupported conjecture!

Extremely hot summers have increased noticeably. We can say with high confidence that the recent heat waves in Texas and Russia, and the one in Europe in 2003, which killed tens of thousands, were not natural events — they were caused by human-induced climate change

Jimminy jillickers, Radioactive Man! There have been summers recently that have been not only hot, but “extremely hot!”  There have also been heat waves as well. Dr. Hansen, based on goodness only knows what, has made the definitive determination that hot summers and heat waves are caused solely by anthropogenic global warming. ‘Puter’s guessing that Dr. Hansen would explain away Europe’s recent record cold, claiming either the data is outlying and should be disregarded or that record cold is also caused by anthropogenic global warming. When all you have is hammer, everything looks like a nail, doesn’t it, Dr. Hansen?

Finally Dr. Hansen actually gets to something that looks like data to support his argument.

The concentration of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has risen from 280 parts per million to 393 p.p.m. over the last 150 years. The tar sands contain enough carbon — 240 gigatons — to add 120 p.p.m. Tar shale, a close cousin of tar sands found mainly in the United States, contains at least an additional 300 gigatons of carbon. If we turn to these dirtiest of fuels, instead of finding ways to phase out our addiction to fossil fuels, there is no hope of keeping carbon concentrations below 500 p.p.m. — a level that would, as earth’s history shows, leave our children a climate system that is out of their control.

Carbon dioxide levels have risen by roughly one-third over the last 150 years. The implication is that the entirety of this increase is a result of man’s actions. Not so fast, Dr. Hansen.  It appears that man’s impact on atmospheric carbon dioxide levels is dwarfed by Gaia’s own production. Further, you’re assuming that the entirety of the tar sands and tar shale is processed and burned over an unspoken period of time.  Is that even likely? You’re assuming that industry and business don’t figure out an alternative to fossil fuels in the next 150 or so years. (Nuclear, anyone)? You’re further assuming that all that fuel is burned without remediation (stack scrubbers, etc.).

Let’s even assume for the moment that Dr. Hansen wasn’t stealing all sorts of logical bases to reach his predetermined conclusion. Even then, his statement that earth’s history dictates, based on his crazy assumptions, that the planet is doomed  (DOOMED, I TELL YOU!) is beyond belief.  Certainly, as all good conservatives know, history teaches us valuable lessons about what works and what doesn’t.  But here, there’s no historical precedent for the facts Dr. Hansen assumes.  That is, there is no period in history where man was industrialized and burning fossil fuels other than this one.  Further, there weren’t too many climate scientists hanging around during the Pliocene Era (referenced by Dr. Hansen as his baseline) 2.5 million years ago, dutifully recording temperatures, humidity and atmospheric concentration of gases.  Any evidence we have of conditions on Earth are from indirect observation, which, while generally reliable, can also be awfully misleading. Misleading even without taking into account the fact that during the Pliocene Era, our current continents may have been as many as 250 kilometers away from their current positions.

Dr. Hansen’s full of it on a scientific level.  If so, then why did ‘Puter just spend a bunch of time debunking Dr. Hansen’s chicanery? Because Dr. Hansen’s prescription for his unproven hypothesis is absolute government control over industry and individuals through aggressive regulation and taxation of anything that uses fossil fuels.  Don’t believe ‘Puter?  Read on.

We need to start reducing emissions significantly, not create new ways to increase them. We should impose a gradually rising carbon fee, collected from fossil fuel companies, then distribute 100 percent of the collections to all Americans on a per-capita basis every month. The government would not get a penny. This market-based approach would stimulate innovation, jobs and economic growth, avoid enlarging government or having it pick winners or losers. Most Americans, except the heaviest energy users, would get more back than they paid in increased prices. Not only that, the reduction in oil use resulting from the carbon price would be nearly six times as great as the oil supply from the proposed pipeline from Canada, rendering the pipeline superfluous, according to economic models driven by a slowly rising carbon price.

Yeah, that’s an awesome “market-based approach,” Dr. Hansen, if by market-based approach you really mean “forced redistribution of wealth from a legal business to people who have absolutely no right to it”- based approach.  Please note this isn’t just a tax on oil companies, this is a tax on any company processing carbon fossil fuels, from natural gas to coal to oil.  Further note that corporations don’t pay taxes, people do.  That is, the corporation is going to pass the tax on to consumers through price increases, gradually and significantly increasing the amount of money the consumer pays for anything made with electricity, which is basically everything we eat, drink, drive, live in and live with.  Every consumer product you can think of will increase in price, and you’ll get a cute little stipend as the New Luddites drive us back to the Dark Ages.

Dr. Hansen’s an apocalyptic kook, bent on establishing a secular First Church of Environmentalism, Anthropogenic Global Warming Chapter with Al Gore as its high priest.  But many of Dr. Hansen’s liberal apologists are something far, far more malign.  This gang wants to use Dr. Hansen’s hysterics as a basis for once-and-for-all establishing government control over every business and household in the country through crippling taxes and regulations, thereby making every single American a de facto government dependent.
Evil doesn’t always come goose-stepping down the Champs Elysees, rolling through the Fulda Gap or screaming Allahu akbar. Sometimes, as here, Evil comes clad in sympathetic garb, whispering feel-good enticements and radiating certainty.

Don’t be fooled. The anthropogenic global warming scam is Evil.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.