The Czar Opens His Mail
DT has found an amazing way to create a sustainable energy source using water and lawn trimmings, but that is not nearly as interesting as the message he sends the Czar:
Your Czariness,
This has every indication of being a Gormogon op. I have 2 questions for you: what did they do? And why didn’t you let me send in the Myrmidons? They’re almost sentient now…
-DT
Uhh, well, this is interesting. Generally, we don’t do anything so overt, and certainly wouldn’t hurt our friends in India. And spiders…well, Mandarin has used small primates in the past, but those were mostly for ding-dong-ditch-type operations more than widespread attacks on a village. No, no, we would use the Myrmidons, totally.
And why are they becoming sentient?
Anyway, we don’t think that was us.
Earlier today, the Czar mentioned on Twitter that he drank a 20-ounce Dr. Pepper at lunch, and that Mayor Bloomberg of New York could go screw himself. The dynamically tepid superhero Nightfly tweeted back that he was a Pepper too, which triggered this further exchange:
Your Dread and Awfulness:
Yes, I’m a Pepper. Even were I not, I’d be a situational Pepper in this circumstance. I flipped out at the Hive about this, not just in the post I linked to you, but in the one above it.
We’ve instituted a new policy on the Supersonic Rocket Ship: no beverage rations under 20 ounces. You don’t have to drink it all, of course – which is kind of the whole point.
Yours,
Nightfly
The Czar understood only a small portion of that, but what the heck. The Czar agrees utterly with the remaining half: regulating what kind of soda people can purchase is not about health; it is solely about government control of free markets. And for that, Bloomberg oughta know better, the jackass. That sort of government mayhem might play well in Manhattan, but God help Bloomberg when the residents of Queens and Brooklyn go to the polls.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.