The Czar has often remarked that the worst job in politics right now is Press Secretary Jay Carney’s. Think about it: each morning he gets up, puts on his suit and tie, and wonders what the hell he’s going to get hit with today.

Maybe he will be asked to explain why the President completely contradicted himself from a few days before. Why then, you go with the “The President has always said…” routine, and you just repeat back the question.

This is risky, because a clever independent journalist could always make something up, and say “Can you clarify why on Wednesday, the President said that Lake Okoboji is the deepest lake in the US, when yesterday he announced that Lake Wazzapamani is deeper?” And of course, Mr. Carney will be twenty seconds into maintaining the President has always said that Lake Wazzapamani is deepest before he realizes he has been had.

And this could work. Because quite often, Mr. Carney is hearing some of the President’s comments for the first time from the questioner. And who can sound coherent when that happens?

Take the very real time when an intrepid reporter asked what the difference is between a Bain Romney backing a company that ultimately failed and the President backing Solyndra. What follows is Mr. Carney’s exact response:

There is the… the…difference in that your overall view of…what uh, your responsibilities are as President, and what your view of the economic future is, and.. and the President believes as he’s made clear that… the President’s responsibility is not just to… uh… those who win, but those who…in, for example, in a company where there have been layoffs, or a company that’s gone bankrupted, it…you know, we have to, uh, make sure that… uh, those folks have… uh, the means to find other employment?

Seriously, this is why even a sociopath like Robert Gibbs walked off the job; even he couldn’t take this any longer.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.