It is wrong to gloat over the misfortune of another’s tragedies, but to be clear, the Czar can do anything he wants. And he is sated that Jerry Sandusky was found guilty on 45 counts.

And we have some controversial attitudes toward parenting; not the least of which is the Czar’s insistence that both the Цесаревич and the Царевич understood from their earliest days that monsters were absolutely freaking real. No, not the fake monsters of movies and television; the real monsters, the worst of all, are very real and look like the kindly guy from down the street, or the nice fellow at the store, or the older kid who has that cool bike. The worse the monster, the nicer they look. The boys always knew that scary monsters were real, and when the Jerry Sandusky story broke, we were quick to identify the smiling, grandfatherly-looking guy from Penn State was exactly that kind of monster.

The boys understand that no one—no one—is allowed to scare or hurt them. If the Czar is not around, and they feel threatened by a grown-up, they are to run. If they are grabbed, they are to bite, hard, until their teeth hurt and the monster cries in pain. They are to scratch eyes and bite ears and tear at the neck. Do whatever it takes to fight the monster, but never be in doubt that the monsters must be fought. There is no negotiated loss, only your tragedy.

Jerry Sandusky, whatever charitable or forgiving thoughts his family might have for him, is a monster. And his entire life was evidently structured around hurting children. God has the incredibly difficult job of forgiving someone like him; thankfully the Czar does not. And while the Czar is quick to send difficult people out to his firing squads, he would not kill Sandusky. He would let him rot in agony in jail for as long as Sandusky feels pain. This is why God forgives, because the Czar cannot. Not this time.

But as there are more victims—including, we now know, his own adopted then-teenaged son—there are also more monsters. The administration of Penn State, for example, knew for years that one of their senior coaches was brutally and systematically attacking children, but decided that it would be in the team’s best interest to let the kids suffer forever rather than…what? Get a different coach? Because that would be such a hassle. The Czar would like to know who these people are, too. And the guilty verdict may indeed force that great evil to come to light sooner than these demons would prefer.

We wish only peace and satisfaction for the many, many victims. May they now be able to put this horror behind them, and never once feel pity or mercy or remorse for the creature who preyed upon them. For Sandusky is now truly about to enter a Hell of his own design.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.