‘Puter said this every day for four years of Jesuit high school to GorT and OEV. That is, when ‘Puter wasn’t fighting off giant purple spiders, whichis another story entirely.

In the immortal words of Eric Cartman, “I. Am. So. Pissed. Off. Right. Now.” What’s got ‘Puter so pissed off?  Why, Eugene Robinson’s latest know-nothing, historically ignorant screed that equates protecting voters’ franchise rights through imposition of voter identification requirements with Jim Crow style poll tax racism.

‘Puter’s sick and tired of this crap.  Only eligible voters should be permitted to vote. Period.  Permitting or tolerating ineligible voters to vote dilutes ‘Puter’s vote and encourages fraud. It is not racist to require people to prove who they are prior to them casting their ballot.

Mr. Robinson argues that anecdotes equal data.  Here are Mr. Robinson’s two main feces –erm, theses– and a thorough debunking of each.

1. Some dipstick Pennsyltucky legislator said something that if it’s the gloaming and you squint your eyes real hard, you can fool yourself into believing that it’s the second coming of Bull Connor.

and

2. There’s no such thing of Supercar!!!1!  Uh, of voter fraud. Voter identification laws are solutions in search of a problem.  Nothing to see here.  Move along. And, did Mr. Robinson forget to mention, these laws are TEH RAYCESS!!1!eleventy!!!1!

Here’s what dipstick Pennsyltucky Republican Commonwealth Representative Mike Turzai said before a meeting of the Commonwealth’s Republican Committee, when listing accomplishments : “Voter ID, which is gonna allow Governor Romney to win the state of Pennsylvania — done.”

Yup. Racism.  No other explanation for it.  None.  None whatsoever. Racism, plain and simple.  It couldn’t possibly be linked to a belief that Philadelphia has a voter fraud and intimidation problem.  It’s not like there were Black Panthers (notably, one Minister King Samir Shabazz and his sidekick Jerry Jackson (really, you can’t make this stuff up)) outside polling places telling Whitey T. Mann he wasn’t welcome during President Obama’s 2008 coronation. And it’s not like there are numerous examples of actual voter fraud in Philadelphia, like fraudulent absentee ballots, dead voters casting ballots and many more.  Must be crazy white people, trying to keep us down.

Through Mr. Robinson’s race colored glasses, every negative consequence a minority encounters is a vestige of state sanctioned racism.  Here, though, it’s equally plausible that Rep. Turzai poorly conveyed his rational and reasonable belief that Democrats are stealing elections because Pennsyltucky’s voter laws are too lax.  Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, Mr. Robinson, and not some metaphor for white guys sticking dark phalluses in their mouths.  Grow up.  Get on with it.

What we see in Mr. Robinson’s horribly distorted world view is the logical outcome of disparate impact analysis, poisoning America’s race relations since 1971 courtesy of the United States Supreme Court’s decision in Griggs v. Duke Power, 401 U.S. 424 (1971). In essence, if a business practice (e.g., IQ testing) results in an outcome that disproportionately affects liberals’ pet minorities (No Jews Or Asians Need Apply — but that’s a topic for another post), the business practice will be struck down as violative of the Equal Protection Clause unless the practice is necessary to a valid business practice.

Now we have entire generations of knuckleheads like Mr. Robinson who grow up believing that if something bad happens to them ever, even if they brought it on themselves, it must: (1) be someone else’s fault; (2) be the result of institutional racism; and (3) be the government’s job to fix.

It’s this simple, Mr. Robinson. Republicans believe, with good reason, that Democrats will lie, cheat and steal to win an election.  There is long historical precedent and current behavior that support this belief.  Republicans in a duly elected legislature following constitutionally permissible procedure passed a law requiring each voter to provide state issued or other acceptable identification at their polling place before they cast their ballot.  In order to address Democrats’ concerns, valid or not, over minorities not having complying identification sources, the statute requires the state to issue acceptable identification to poor voters for free.

Mr. Robinson’s argument boils down to this: Black people are poor and lazy, so requiring them to hump their asses to the DMV to get a free state issued identification before they vote is too much to ask.  Mr. Robinson exemplifies the soft bigotry of low expectations, the real racism in America today, and one found primarily in the Left’s precincts.

Before Mr. Robinson takes it upon himself to accuse entire swaths of the country as racist, he may want to look in the mirror.  Mr. Robinson’s Democrat party has done more damage to minorities in America, whether we look at Jim Crow, Dixiecrats or the modern welfare system, than Republicans ever did.

Mr. Robinson and his fellow travelers cheapen racism, crying wolf constantly. He would be far better served to keep his powder dry for incidents of real racism, like Affirmative Action and how Blacks conspire to keep Jews and Asians out of top universities.  Wait, that’s not right.  How about really and for true racism, like a welfare system that gives poor minorities just enought to keep them subservient to a political party that has no interest in integrating them into the middle class. 

Well, ‘Puter’s certain that if Mr. Robinson looks hard enough, he’ll find some real racism that’s not the end product of intentional or unintentional liberal/Democrat efforts to bitch about.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.