Your Independence Day Blessing

The Gormogons wish all our readers a safe, prosperous, fun-filled Independence Day that celebrates not just all our country has achieved, but lays thanks to all we have not lost. Happy Fourth of July!	We hold these truths to be self-
	evident, that all men are created
	equal, that they are endowed by
	their Creator with certain
	unalienable Rights, that among
	these are Life, Liberty and the
	pursuit of Happiness. That to
secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men,
deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.
That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive
of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish
it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on
such principles and organizing its powers in such form…

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.