The President. Sigh.

Well, today, in response to scores of millions out of work and suffering, the President released his favorite beer recipes. Millions of Americans will now be back to work, you’ll see.

And understanding the heartbreaking loss of another hurricane hitting the New Orleans area, the President is focusing on fund-raising. Kanye West is no doubt writing a tweet right now about how much Obama hates black people, just like he did when George Bush responded in significantly less time.

Iran is now closer to making nuclear weapons than many people feared, according to newly released intelligence. The President will be right on top of that, as he promised, but first, he had to do that video cameo for rapper Jay-Z’s music festival.

Obama snaps that the GOP convention was something out of the last century, and will have former President Clinton explain at the Democratic convention that Obama intends to follow Bill Clinton’s plans for a booming but high-taxed economy. Bill Clinton, you may recall, was president in the last century.

Perhaps Obama has revealed the details of his re-election. Did he not just sign another executive order expanding suicide prevention services?

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.