Know who really had a bad week?

“Today, Mitt Romney admitted to ThoughtCrime against our great and glorious supreme leader, who forgave Romney in all his benevolence. Also, we’re getting the poop sued out of us.”

Not Barack Obama, who saw a bona fide international crisis unravel under his watch last week, coupled with an announcement that we would do a third round of quantitative easing (which we have explained in simple terms) certain to lower our country’s credit rating again, right before an election.

Not Mitt Romney, who expressed dissatisfaction with the President’s handling of the North Africa crisis while the calendar technically still said September 11—after he promised to forego any political challenges on that day. While our embassies burned and our foreign staff raped and murdered, the pressure was inexplicably on Romney to explain why he quoted State Department statement accurately.

No, ‘twas the moronic Main Stream Media who had a really bad week. The Czar has been warning you about the intellectual and moral poverty rampant in these organizations for years, and now you finally got a great chance to see how bad it is. Or did you?

The MSM deliberately downplayed the story of the North African crises (plural!), spinning this as some localized outrage against a publicized trailer for an anti-Muslim movie made in the United States but financed by Jewish money (whatever that is; shekels, one guesses). Little if any mention was made about Yemen, Sudan, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Australia (yes!), or any of the several other places our embassies were attacked in an orchestrated fashion.

Why? Because the MSM wanted to protect the Lord and Saviour Barack Obama (PBUH) from taking this disaster on the chin. Stories were actively suppressed, sugar-coated, or spun by the media so badly that even the State Department had to issue clarifications to correct some of the weirdness.

The irony of course is that the President needed none of their help. Look, this is a fundamentally stupid part of the world. Problems there, including various mistakes and gaffes by the State Department and/or intelligence community, have happened under Nixon, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, and Obama—the reasons why we keep doing it are out there as well. And while we can all cheerfully point the finger at who is responsible, the fact is Americans by a large majority want the President to go in there and stop the attacks on our people. We’re pretty well united there. And the President has been responding both with some of his strongest rhetoric as well as ramping up the armed presence at our embassies. Local governments have suddenly realized that they can do something to stop this, and indeed have an obligation to do so; most of the recent suppression of protestation has been because the local governments began sending armed response teams to the sites and dispersing crowds.

The point is that the President was challenged and responded; you will see no rise or dip in the polls for him over this. The MSM, however, revealed that they are fiercely protective of this guy to the point that they are well past satire and fully into disgusting public displays of affection. Americans will not like this.

Mitt Romney was openly targeted for insult and ridicule by the MSM, who seemed to be the only ones who gave a crap what he said or when he said it. Most polls have Romney tied, and a couple of respected ones have him ahead. The MSM took it upon themselves to lower Romney in the polls by harping about his criticism. Once again, this backfired—it called attention to the actual criticism of the President (which the Obama campaign should have been annoyed with), and revealed that Romney was accurate in his quote and survived the fact-check quite well.

You will see no rise or dip in the polls for Mitt Romney over this. The MSM, however, revealed they have never been fair-minded or honest in their promises of impartial balance. Americans will not like this either.

And good luck finding any coverage over Quantitative Easing. The MSM has heard of this, doesn’t think this will help the President, and is suppressing the news.

But the week got much worse, and neither Obama nor Romney are involved in this fiasco. No, this one is about hamburgers.

A South Dakota-based meat processing plant, Beef Products International, is like every other American facility that handles meat: you want to use as much of the animal as possible to prevent waste. When you remove all the nice tenderloins, filets, and choice cuts, you tend to be left with a lot of miscellaneous meat and smaller pieces. This is carefully collected, placed into a grinder, and made into ground beef for burgers, hot dogs, and meat loaves.

And Beef Products International also uses smaller pieces of muscle tissue called LFTB (large, finely textured beef)—it is little more than the meat carefully pulled out of the fatty tissues area. This can be added back into the ground beef to add to its protein content while reducing the toughness of the other ground beef. There isn’t much wrong with it.

This is why many people freak out over hot dogs. But LFTB is edible, and hell, the Czar would even be able to grill this for you.

Except of course it looks like chewed bubble gum. And this caused one USDA microbiologist to nickname it “pink slime.”

Apparently, ABC News needed nothing more. Reporters Jim Avila and David Kerley decided to repeat the notable hoax-based reporting strategy so popular at ABC News, and issued a series of reports that pink slime was composed of low grade scraps, waste products, tendons and sinews, and all sorts of weird stuff even the reporters did not understand, and you were feeding it to your kids in the form of hot dogs.

Public reaction, unsurprisingly and to the delight of ABC News, was intense. Stores pulled BPI products off their shelves, and many other meat processors found their LFTB products dumped and orders cancelled. Other news agencies, who cannot be bothered to fact-check a goddamned thing if it broke somewhere else first, covered the pink slime controversy with Upton Sinclair-like breathlessness.

BPI was forced to close at least three plants, and almost 1,000 workers were let go. Of course, if you are a meat processor, it is not like you can just pop across the road and work for the competition—you really are out of a job.

Well…turns out…there isn’t anything wrong or shady with LFTB. It is not made of low-grade meat, it isn’t scrap or waste product, and is made solely of lean muscle. Turns out the additives aren’t bad for you, but in fact help ensure the meat is good for you. It isn’t even slimy; about the only things ABC News got right is that it is pink, and it is added to beef.

BPI has launched a $1.2 billion dollar lawsuit against ABC News, Diane Sawyer, and Avil and Kerley for slander. This will be a tough case for BPI to prove, but they do have significant evidence on their side, and no doubt other beef processors will be seeking actions against them as well. The Czar hopes BPI wins big, because this is really getting to be a trend with ABC News in particular.

It turns out the only discolored slime is the MSM. You know, if the Czar falsely claimed that American confidence in the MSM was at 4% right now, not only would no one contradict it, but polling companies would probably link to it as a fact.

And when your polls go that low, you aren’t going to turn it around. High time indeed for the MSM to fold up their tents and just go away. No one is buying this stuff anymore.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.