Well, readers of this site know for whom they voted. But a lot more Americans are starting to learn that they dislike Progressives in a big way. Progressives, whose motto should change from Forward! to Overreach!, have already ticked off a lot of people with limitations on soda sizes, what kids can eat, and more, love to knee-jerk their “oughta be a law” reflex. It is all they know.

Diane! You fool!

And now word reaches us that distracted walking is being targeted for corrective behavioral legislation in some communities.

Look, the Czar perfectly understands the dangers of distracted driving—sending a lengthy text message—even urgent ones like “i no whr the restrnt is but what time z r rsrv8tion i cant find prkg & will b l8 4 puters d&d game”—while hurtling at 60 miles per hour on a crowded stop-and-go roadway is pretty stupid. Like reading a book while driving stupid. The Czar supports laws that assess big-ass fines for blatantly reckless driving.

So Progressives think that if people like that law, they’re gonna love the next one. And now there is talk that texting while walking is potentially dangerous as well.

Also sprach a study from the University of Washington (texters refer to it as UDub) which conducted a study on pedestrian activities in Seattle. It seems that walking while texting results in people plowing at high speed into school buses, bursting into flame, or pushing kindergartens off cliffs. Or something.

Frankly, the study does not actually connect any dots like that: the authors evidently do, saying that “if people walking while texting take longer to cross the street, and car-pedestrian collisions are quite high, then laws should be passed to outlaw texting while walking,” in a case of post hoc ergo propter hoc non sequitur logic so bad that one could easily doubt whether the authors should be conducting any sort of scientific study whatsoever.

The reality is that life has always been dangerous for pedestrians. Long before there were cell phones—which the Czar recalls well but is aware that anyone in the social sciences probably does not—pedestrians got hurt all the time, walking into glass doors and windows, falling into open manholes or construction pits, or stepping off a curb into traffic—while rummaging through purses, picking finger nails, setting a wrist watch, or counting money, or conducting thousands of other little actions.

Indeed, the study faults people not just texting while walking, but listening to music, walking with pets on leashes, or talking to others. No, the study does not list “walking while chewing gum,” but this must be a catastrophic oversight of the obvious on behalf of this shoddy study.

Evidently, walking while doing anything—even evidently walking—is dangerous and deadly to the authors, so much so that perhaps we need more legislation.

Hey, geniuses, maybe it’s walking that’s the real danger here. Perhaps we should simply sit in our ivory tower offices tapping at a computer all day like you. If you feel walking while talking, listening to music, or yes—even sending a text messge—is so lethal, perhaps you want to leave that danger to us real people.

Give it a rest. Literally.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.