Imagine the surprise the Czar got when he found out that a federal court has not only struck down Illinois’ concealed carry ban, but has ordered the legislature to draft a new law in 180 days or less. This means a concealed carry law will be an almost immediate priority when the legislature returns to work in January.

The Czar suspects that legislation has already been written, given that the legislature votes on such a bill pretty much every year (with its perpetual defeat getting continually narrower to almost passage last year).

Most welcome news, indeed; the Czar has not heard from the beleagured Governor Pat Quinn or often-mocked Fr. Michael Pfleger, who each deplore gun violence so much that they now reside in the world of fantasy. But each will be soon bellowing to the nearest camera about how Illinois will become a constant wild west shootout like the other 49 states, ending the peaceful, sleepy bliss that is gun-free Chicago.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.