A middle school principal in Ipswich, Massachusetts, has elected to cancel the honors students’s induction ceremony because it makes the other kids—who didn’t get good grades—feel bad.

No, of course this is real.

Instead, they will be honored during an assembly at the end of the year.

Needless to say, a large number of Americans think Principal David Fabrizio is making a major mistake. They are, of course, totally right. Parents are outraged, and the entire school district is being mocked and ridiculed all across the country.

This decision is not evidently based on any complaints or in response to any protests; rather, this is the classic case of Progressivism “anticipating unhappiness” from imaginary students perhaps in the future.

Fabrizio was quick to point out he did not make this decision on his own; this was a faculty-driven suggestion that received approval from the superintendant Rick Korb. His name is posted here in hopes that Ipswich voters remember that around election time. Fabrizio adds that he has only heard complaints from a couple parents; interestingly, the Salem News managed to get quotes from several in a matter of hours.

The Czar need not tell you to be outraged or offended by this action: you already are. The Царица, whose opinions on educational matters the Czar obeys without question, was thoroughly annoyed. She explained this single stunt will cause a cascade of lower grades throughout the district because students will learn there is no benefit to working hard.

But this cannot last. The principal has been humiliated across the country, and the superintendant has drawn unwanted attention to the shortcomings of his own leadership. Ipswich is receiving little good press because of this, and that will annoy both mayors and business leaders in the area. Look for Honors Night to be quietly reinstated soon.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.