After a too-long absence, the great and wise The Big Guy, Uncle Jay, himself, writes in:

Dread, Awful, etc-
Y’all need to institute some serious quality control procedures…
You can’t go leaving stuff like this laying around.
It will eventually get noticed.

TBG

This is the point in the letter where the Czar politely chides the writer and indicates which of our members is actually responsible for the heinous act. In this case, however, it is indeed your Czar. The Big Guy is correct.

Let us put this as carefully as we can.

If you are hurtling down the Sunfish Cove train tracks at 70mph, standing on the roof of the cars, straddling the gap between two of them, with a Gustav rocket launcher in need of reloading in one hand and a seven-foot-tall fiberglass head in the other, fending off a pair of train roof hyenas armed with kris swords, what would you do?

The Czar chucks the head in the goddamn water, is what he does.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.