Liberals believe as an article of faith that liberals – and only liberals – support and defend the Bill of Rights. It’s those racist white male conservatives in horrid red flyover states that want keep women in the kitchen and blacks on the plantation.

Liberals and the press (he said, repeating himself) are only now seeing the danger in condoning government playing fast and loose with our Constitutional rights

When President Barack Obama took office in 2009, liberals were O-gasmic, knowing in their morally pure hearts that Obama was one of them. Obama would do things, big things. Obama would defend the weak, champion the defenseless and maximize freedom for everyone! For liberals, the signs could not be clearer. A new golden age of liberal ideals and limitless personal freedoms was dawning, and conservatives were destined to be relegated to rump party status forever.

So how’s Obama doing, liberals? We’re now well into Obama’s second term, and what have you got to show for it? Frankly, not much. Sure, Obama came out for gay marriage, but he continues to enforce the Defense of Marriage Act, leaving challenges to it up to private special interest groups. Terrorist detention facilities at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba are still open, despite Obama’s promise yesterday to close them, sometime soon. America is still at war in Afghanistan, and despite Obama’s technically accurate statement that America is no longer at war in Iraq, our troops still have an enormous non-combat footprint there. Obama remains dedicated to using drones, armed overseas and unarmed at home, against individuals and groups he perceives as enemies. America’s economy is in shambles, despite (because, actually) Ben Bernanke’s Federal Reserve Bank keeps dumping valueless dollars into the national till and artificially depressing interest rates.

But hey, America’s a much better, more free place because we have Obama, the bestest, most greatest president guy ever, right? Wrong.

America’s core freedoms are enshrined in her Constitution’s Bill of Rights.  Let’s put Obama’s presidency to the test, comparing his actions and not his words against America’s guaranteed freedoms, shall we? And, just for giggles, let’s assign Obama’s presidency a letter grade on each.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Assessment: By its words, the First Amendment applies to Congress only, but since no Act of Congress becomes law without the president’s signature, it’s fair to see how Obama stacks up. Obama hasn’t established a national religion, unless you count rampant morals-free relativistic post-modernist secularism as a religion, which ‘Puter does. Obama has gone out of his way to prohibit Americans’ free exercise of their chose religions, from forcing Catholics to fund abortion services to mandating employers provide birth control coverage to their employees. Free speech is anathema to Obama, judging by his statement to the Code Pink nutjob he talked over yesterday, telling her she had only the right to listen to him. ‘Puter’s an idiot, but even he sees Obama’s Department of Justice using espionage laws to grab Associated Press phone records, and alleging a FoxNews reporter to be a spy so it could seize phone records from the reporters parents. ‘Puter’s not aware of any instance where Obama’s prevented Americans from peaceably assembling, notwithstanding his undignified, unpresidential badmouthing of the Tea Party movement. Tellingly, the White House upped the number of signatures required for its website petitions to receive a presidential response when it became apparent responding to certain petitions would put the president in an uncomfortable position.  While not a huge deal, it’s indicative of Obama’s monarchical approach to the presidency.

Grade: F.  The AP scandal alone is enough to merit a failing grade. If you need more support, read today’s Jonah Goldberg NRO column here.

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Assessment: Obama supported a national gun registry, confiscation of weapons and unconstitutional restrictions on firearms, using the bodies of slain first graders and their grieving parents to guilt America into his Utopian world without guns. Thankfully, America wised up. To be fair, Obama had no problem with providing copious amounts of firearms including so-called assault weapons to Mexican drug lords, but since the Constitution doesn’t have extraterritorial application.

Grade: F. Obama’s actions make clear he doesn’t intend to adhere to Heller’s finding that the Second Amendment is a personal right, one for which governmental limitations are subjected to judicial strict scrutiny.

No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Assessment: To the best of ‘Puter’s knowledge, Obama hasn’t been quartering the military in anyone’s house. Then again, there hasn’t been any reason for him to do so. Yet.

Grade: Incomplete. When Obama is presented with a chance to usurp property owners’ rights by barracking soldiers in their homes, ‘Puter will assign a grade.

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Assessment: See, AP, FoxNews phone records scandal, supra. See also, Guantanamo Bay, targeted executions by drone of American citizens overseas.

Grade: F. Even Code Pink thinks Obama’s full of it on this one.

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Assessment: Obama is holding prisoners in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba without trial and without indictment. Admittedly, Obama’s Guantanamo prisoners are arguably enemy combatants, subject to a different legal standard. ‘Puter is not aware of any instance where Obama’s Department of Justice has violated or sought to violate a defendant’s double jeopardy rights, nor to compel a witness to incriminate herself. In fact, Obama’s IRS stooge Lois Lerner invoked her Fifth Amendment rights to avoid answering questions likely to implicate if not Obama himself, then at least senior White House officials, as the media is wont to say. ‘Puter also doesn’t know of an instance where Obama’s government has violated case law interpretations of the Takings Clause. ‘Puter thinks the courts’ Takings Clause jurisprudence is ass-backwards, shortsighted and idiotic, but Obama hasn’t violated it. This one’s on the courts, not Obama.

Grade: B. ‘Puter’s holding Obama to the same standard here he’d have held George W. Bush to.

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.

Assessment: ‘Puter’s unaware of any instance where Obama has violated the Sixth Amendment rights of Americans. As near as ‘Puter can tell, the Department of Justice has continued down the same path as predecessor administrations in this regard. Again, this discounts the Guantanamo Bay, Cuba prisoners, but as noted above, ‘Puter does not believe they’re entitled to the same protections as (a) American citizens and (b) individuals not engaged in warfare against the United States.

Grade: B.

In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Assessment: Obama has undertaken no efforts to remove the right to a jury trial in civil matters before federal courts.

Grade: A.

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Assessment: ‘Puter’s pretty sure blowing the snot out of an American citizen in Yemen with a military drone is likely to be a cruel and unusual punishment.

Grade: F.

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Assessment: Nearly every action taken by Obama and his Administration and nearly all his ill-conceived programs and policies proceed from the assumption that government bestows rights on its citizens. According to the Ninth Amendment, it is exactly the opposite. The American people possess not only the enumerated rights of the Constitution, but all other rights not limited or denied by the Constitution.

Grade: F.

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

Assessment: Three words: Department of Education. OK, that department existed before Obama took office. How about Environmental Protection Agency? Those ass-clowns have used administrative proceedings to essentially ban new builds for coal plants, draining of intrastate wetlands, advantage green energy and punish opposition, regardless of state law.  How about Drug Enforcement Agency? Those fellows are trying to undo state laws that permit use and sale of marijuana.  Obama believes that there is no room for states to be used as laboratories of democracy, trying different ideas, testing hypotheses. Obama believes all answers must come from the top down, at least for so long as he and his henchmen are sitting on top of the heap. In Obama’s world view, the federal government rules all, states’ rights be damned. Interestingly, this Tenth Amendment may bail Obama’s ass out over the intraparty squabble over the Defense of Marriage Act. If Justice Kennedy writes the opinion, it’s likely that he will surmise that defining marriage is a state, not federal function, and strike down the federal law as a violation of the Tenth Amendment.

Grade: F.

Overall Grade: D+.

Overall Grade on Important Issues: F.

Liberals are only now realizing how tenuous our hold on our fundamental rights is. It took their beloved savior Obama betraying them on pet liberal issues for the scales to fall from their eyes. And, like the proverbial woman scorned, Obama’s base is more furious than Hell’s worst demons.  Justly so.

Welcome to the party, liberals.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.