‘Puter Alerts Disbelieving NYT Editors Liberalism’s Not Wearing Any Clothes
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| Former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, currently serving federal prison time for what prosecutors termed a “pattern of extortion, bribery and fraud” is more honest than the New York Times editorial staff. |
‘Puter’s been trying to limit his posting, especially after yesterday’s magnum opus on Detroit’s bankruptcy (which you really ought to read right now). But ‘Puter just couldn’t resist sharing some brief comments on this New York Times‘ editorial concerning Detroit’s bankruptcy.
The super-smart folks at the New York Times inform us lesser minds Detroit’s abject failure is complicated, but primarily results from three factors:
There are many causes to Detroit’s financial problems. Foreign competitors and global economic forces have battered its industrial base, particularly the Big Three automakers. Corrupt and inept government officials have squandered its wealth. And a flight to the suburbs by businesses and residents has sapped its resources and spirit.
It’s nice to see mass media and liberal politicians working hand in glove to drive a narrative favorable to their socialist worldview. Unfortunately for the NYT and its liberal masters, not a word written above is correct.
Here’s the editorial, corrected by ‘Puter to comport with reality.
There are many causes to Detroit’s financial problems. Unsustainable public union pensions and impossible union contract work rules have battered its industrial base, particularly the Big Three automakers. Fifty plus years of corrupt and inept liberal Democrat officials have squandered its wealth. And a flight to the suburbs by businesses and residents fleeing Detroit’s liberal imposed confiscatory tax rates has sapped its resources and spirit.
Here’s an even shorter version: Liberal policies destroyed what was once America’s greatest city.
Memo to the NYT editors: if you’re writing a story in which there’s an elephant in the room, you may just want to mention the elephant in the room.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.