Not all the news out of Detroit is depressing. A man there stole his father’s encoffined corpse from the cemetery, brought it home in the family van, and pulled the body into the basement with the hope of resurrecting it.

Biblically, the father raises the son, but what comes around goes around.

Anyway, the police arrested him—he left a pretty literal trail of evidence from the scene all the way home. He pleaded guilty.

The stories do not say how long his father had been deceased, but one hopes it was rather recently. Otherwise the material…well, you know.

Doubtless, he is merely following our advice from 1996 on raising the dead for fun and profit, so perhaps he should have pleaded not guilty until the judge reads our site for a couple more years.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.