Ms. Goodstein smugly thinks about how stupid those silly Roman Catholics are, with their anti-gay, anti-abortion bias, instead of considering it is perhaps she who is the biased one.

‘Puter was shocked to discover that the New York Times is either stunningly biased against or blissfully ignorant of the teaching of the Roman Catholic Church, especially as those teachings relate to the most holy trinity in the liberal pantheon: gays, abortion and married priests.

In today’s edition of “I’m a bleeding heart liberal reporter who cannot fathom devotion to a faith that dares to have standards standing in stark contrast to my ‘modern’ views so I must destroy that faith,” one Laurie Goodstein breathlessly reports that Providence College rescinded an invitation to a gay marriage advocate to speak on the subject of gay marriage.

By all accounts the chosen speaker, Dr. John Corvino, is a well respected, thoughtful and tolerant (in the true sense) advocate for his pro-gay marriage position. In fact, ‘Puter believes he caught Dr. Corvino and Maggie Gallagher early one Sunday morning on one or another NPR show about faith, and ‘Puter was impressed with both.

So what’s the big news here? Isn’t this a dog-bites-man piece? After all, the Catholic Church should be every bit as free to exclude speakers whose positions it finds morally abhorrent as, say, UC Berkeley refusing to let a staunch creationist teach. You’d think so, but no. Intrepid report Ms. Goodstein lets us know what we’re supposed to think.

Ms. Goodstein’s hit piece is titled “Catholic College Rescinds Invitation to Speaker Defending Same-Sex Marriage.” Ms. Goodstein reports that the College’s provost, Hugh F. Lena, relied on a USCCB document from 2004 titled “Catholics in Political Life” which states “Catholic institutions should not honor those who act in defiance of our fundamental moral principles.” Well, duh, except for the fact that far too many nominally Catholic colleges and universities in America have been all too happy to welcome (and confer honorary degrees upon) unabashed supporters of positions in stark apposition to Catholic teachings. ‘Puter’s looking at you, Notre Dame. Our Lady, indeed!

Ms. Goodstein goes on to remind her readers that the Roman Catholic Church was

… rocked by the publication of a long interview in which Pope Francis called for the church to “find a new balance” by refraining from frequent condemnations of homosexuality, abortion and birth control, and emphasizing mercy and love.

‘Puter recalls the feelings of shock and utter disbelief when Pope Francis’ interview came to light. Imagine ‘Puter’s rage and anger to learn a pope had dared to accurately restate and reaffirm centuries old Catholic teaching! The horror. The horror.  ‘Puter must’ve missed the part in the interview where Pope Francis said that sex outside marriage was cool, along with aborting any collection of cells that may have resulted from the intercession of Science and the Flying Spaghetti monster from such totally cool liaison.  Imagine that. The Bishop of Rome calling his flock to love the sinner and hate the sin. To read Ms. Goodstein is to believe Jesus is surely rolling over in His grave.*

But what the delightfully biased (and perhaps bigoted) Ms. Goodstein fails to mention until the third to last paragraph is Mr. Lena was perfectly willing to let Dr. Corvino speak, so long as the pro-traditional marriage side of the debate was ably represented.  Quoth Ms. Goodstein, synopsizing Mr. Lena:

But Dr. Lena, the provost, said in an interview late Monday night that the event was canceled because it was largely a platform for only one side, and that it could be rescheduled if it included a philosophy professor with experience arguing against  gay marriage.

Of course, the “faculty senate,”** whatever the heck that is, got its collective panties in a wad and issued a manifesto. Or treatise. Or Five Year Plan.  Whatever the heck it is hippie know-nothings with some letters after their names do these days.  The statement claimed there’s no policy requiring each speaker to be countered by a speaker with an opposing view. And lest you forget it, the ivory tower “faculty senate” solons allege that Catholics in Political Life applies only to politicians.

To which ‘Puter replies, “Tough tits.” You useless sacks of mostly bong water chose to teach at a Roman Catholic institution.  The institution chose to enforce its right to invite (or uninvited) whomever it wants since the institution’s paying for the microphone. Regardless of whether or not Catholics in Political Life applies only to politicians, Catholic institutions are free, and should exercise such freedom more often, to insist programs at a minimum present an opposing view consistent with the Catholic faith. So suck it, hippies.

So there you have it.  A liberal New York Times reporter purposely (or ineptly) mangles a story to fit her viewpoint. Namely, the Catholic Church is a patriarchal tool used to oppress the truth that is liberal thought, whatever those thoughts may be at the moment.

Could the New York Times possibly hire some reporters who don’t reflexively think religion is nothing more than cheap parlor tricks used to keep women down? Please?

*Yes, ‘Puter knows Jesus raised Himself from the dead and ascended into Heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. But Ms. Goodstein probably has no clue that the tomb is empty.

**Where’s a Brutus when you need one?

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.