Many conservatives are having a grand time poking fun of Barack Obama’s apparent hypocrisy over the Washington Redskins. Specifically, the alleged hypocrisy is that the President has no trouble congratulating the Chicago Blackhawks despite deploring the Redskins’ name.

Okay, since we really need to start better prioritizing our problems if we ever hope to regain power in this country, this event is not a hypocrisy. It is not even worthy of our attention.

If you are bothered by the Washington Redskins’ name, it is probably because many people view “red skin” as a derogatory name for an American Indian. For the record, the Czar can assure fans that “red skin” is no more offensive—and no more historically accurate—than someone using the term “paleface.” It is a recent invention: no one really used either phrase in abundance until the 20th Century when it was popularized by Hollywood Westerns. Having spent enough time in the Old West, the Czar knows that the term “the red man” was used, although most us simply referred to Indians by their respective tribal names during the day. One was more likely to refer to an Indian as Sioux or Chippewa than as “the red man.”

So get over yourselves. If you don’t like the term “redskin,” then don’t use it. But don’t expect the rest of us to kowtow to your idiosyncrasy. You’re like those freaks who get offended when someone says “God bless you” after a sneeze in case the sneezing person is potentially an easily offended atheist.*

But there is no hypocrisy here. The Chicago Blackhawks are not a pseudo-offensive word for Indians. In fact, the Blackhawks are named after a guy: Chief Black Hawk, of the Sauk Indians. Black Hawk was a classic badass who fought a lot of battles against the Americans, but did so with great honor and nobility; he wound up winning the respect of many Americans even though, in his later years, he never really made peace with the victorious United States and sorta resented his popularity (despite making a few bucks off it).

So the Czar doesn’t really see a hypocrisy here. If Obama is bothered by the Washington Redskins’ name, as opposed to their 3-5 record, that’s his Washington thin skin. But he never claimed to be offended by all or any uses of an American Indian reference in sports, did he?

Wait, did he?

*Odds are if the person is an atheist, he or she is easily offended. The Czar has met some easy-going atheists…but not many.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.