So many Americans are wondering why the hell the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform doesn’t just grant immunity to Lois Lerner so we can finally learn the delicious details of the IRS scandal, and discover once and for all how high up the illegalities go.

The Czar will reveal why Lois Lerner has not been granted immunity, and why this process is taking so long.

Imagine for a moment that you are a Republican candidate for US Senator, running against Illinois Democrat Dick Durbin. You are delighted to observe that the polls are starting to tip your way, and that you might be able to prevent a terrible and corrupt liberal squid from becoming a career politician.

Now imagine that you get a phone call from Lois Lerner’s office, then working at the Federal Election Commission. A staff member there explains to you that a campaign loan you made to yourself is illegal, but she would be willing to drop the matter if you drop out of the election and pay her $200,000. You are stunned by this blackmail, and explain patiently that the loan you took from your coffers was in fact perfectly legal. All right, she agrees: she can drop the matter if you pay her $100,000. You say no, and the counteroffer now drops to $40,000 cash and a promise to never run for office, anywhere, again. You hang up.

Lerner calls you and wants to know what your problem is. You explain that the loan was perfectly legal, but that her understanding of how it was reported to the Federal Election Committee could have been mistaken. Lerner than responds that if you drop out of the election and never run again, she will drop the case. You chuckle and ask if she would kindly put that letter in writing…since this must clearly be a legally authorized offer and not, you know, some extortion shakedown attempt by an official. Lerner tells you that the government does not work that way, and that you will “find out” what happens next.

Now imagine that your opponent, Dick Durbin, is running television commercials against you claiming that you refused to cooperate with a joint FEC/IRS investigation, and there is an unsettled matter pending in the courts about you making off with over a million dollars of campaign money. You realize you are losing the election.

Actually, this is precisely what happened to Republican Al Salvi in 1996, whose political career was ruined, even though an FBI investigation and civil court hearing proved he was innocent beyond a doubt.

In 2013, Lois Lerner offered to cut a deal with the Oversight committee: grant her immunity and she will tell what she knows.

She knows nothing. She wants immunity because her career is riddled with stories like Al Salvi’s. She knows it. The House Oversight committee knows it. And she knows they know this.

There is enough material on Lois Lerner—outside of the IRS targeting of conservative groups—to put her behind bars for a while. If she gets immunity, she walks…without revealing anything of substance to the committee. “Ha.” she might one day boast over a martini. “I shook down Republicans for cash, and all I got was this T-shirt,” with a clink of freedom. “And I didn’t have to reveal a thing. Oops. Sorry, Republicans.”

She knows little that will prove useful to the investigation: she was just a bit player. And the committee knows it. Why grant her immunity when she won’t be able to name a powerful enough official. Heck, the committee almost certainly knows who she would blame for it all, and they already know there isn’t enough evidence to get anywhere.

But if they stick her with a contempt of Congress charge, run her before a court and put her behind bars, other folks at the IRS will get nervous. Sweaty palm nervous. Loose bowel nervous. And maybe they will be willing to talk to avoid Lerner’s fate…you know, in exchange for the immunity the committee didn’t waste on her.

You need to make that stick. Be deliberate, and make sure everything is by the book. Take your time: the longer they stretch her on the rack of public opinion, the faster the next person in line will crack.

Lois Lerner is a patsy, a distraction. A red herring, even. That doesn’t mean she can’t be made into a useful lever.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.