‘Puter spends a lot of time thinking. ‘Puter should spend more time writing about his thoughts, as writing helps him better order his mind. So, in a likely vain attempt to order his chaos, here goes.

Immigration: Obama will act unilaterally on immigration. Media will support Obama’s unconstitutional acts. Republicans will defund certain immigration enforcement activities and perhaps some of the president’s pet programs. This will set up a showdown on a budget.

Weather: It’s winter in Upstate. Lake effect is not unusual. While this week’s six to eight foot snowfall in Buffalo’s Southtowns is unusual, it’s not unheard of. Climate change asshattery and The Weather Channel’s ceaseless quest for ratings transformed weather into dramatic reality shows. Cut it out.

Gruber: Holy cow is this guy an arrogant prick. But Gruber’s much more than a mere arrogant prick. Gruber’s living proof conservatives’ worst caricatures of liberals are true. Liberals, particularly among their elite ruling class, think they’re better than ordinary Americans. Not only do liberals think they’re better than ordinary Americans, they conceitedly think they know better than ordinary Americans. This is liberalism’s Achilles’ heel. Americans hate arrogant pricks, particularly arrogant pricks who tell them how to live their lives.

ObamaCare: Between the King and Halbig cases and the stratospheric premium increases, ObamaCare may be on the path to collapse. Unlike successful liberal big government redistribution programs like Social Security and Medicare, ObamaCare forces everyone to pay in, but not everyone benefits. In ObamaCare, there are winners and losers, and it’s rapidly becoming clear that there are more losers than winners. The problem for Democrats is they promised Americans ObamaCare would only have winners. Everyone can keep their doctors and plans. Everyone will save money. ObamaCare will ultimately fall because of Democrats’ lies and piss-poor statutory drafting. And ‘Puter will smile.

Ferguson: Assuming the grand jury doesn’t indict, “activists” will descend like diseased blowflies on the corpse of the Democrat run town. The rioting scum will be closely followed by asshat media there only to sensationalize violent conflict to enrich themselves and their networks. Law enforcement charged with responding to any violence should start telling media today that they will apply the level of force necessary to immediately quell any rioting, up to and including overwhelming application of deadly force. Law enforcement’s first job is to enforce and uphold the rule of law. Rioting is the antithesis of rule of law. It’s anarchic chaos.

Russia: NATO will be in a low-grade clandestine war with Russia in Ukraine within the year, if it’s not already so engaged. Putin will create chaos in the Baltics, and NATO will have to respond with occupying forces to stabilize one or more Baltic States. European militaries are woefully unprepared to meet their treaty obligations, so the United States military forces will once more bear the burden. Putin invaded Ukraine because he learned from Obama’s incompetence and cowardice on Syria America would not respond.

Turkey: Turkey is not our ally. Turkey has not been our ally for a decade. The United States should kick Turkey out of NATO and recognize a new nation of Kurdistan, supporting it militarily and monetarily in exchange for an airbase or bases. Turkey can get bent.

Israel: Obama’s administration views Israel through post-colonialism’s distorted lenses. To Obama’s academic armchair warriors, Israel is the last of the colonial nations, a nation to be laid low to protect the colonized Palestinians. As such, Obama sees no issue with undermining Israel and its security at every turn. ‘Puter’s being polite here, ascribing a minimally tenable motivation. The only other possibility is Obama’s administration is full of anti-Semites, which is a real possibility. Obama drew a large chunk of his administration from university faculties, many of which are openly hostile to Israel and/or openly and proudly anti-Semitic.

Education: Higher education is screwed. Parents aren’t willing to pay ever escalating tuitions and students are increasingly unwilling to take out non-dischargeable student loans. Primary and secondary education is screwed because taxpayers are unwilling to pay outrageous taxes to support bad teachers in no-fire jobs with gold plated benefits and extremely generous pensions. The only constituency our education system’s not rigged to generously reward is the kids. That’s why education will be reformed, likely on a battlefield riddled with the unions’ bitter-ender corpses.

That’s all ‘Puter’s got time for today. Stay warm.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.