All right—long-time readers here knew this was coming. And from whom.

This story is slowly climbing its way to the top, so the Czar will not go into too much detail. However, for the sake of due diligence, know that Stars and Stripes did an exposé that NBC News anchor Brian Williams has been telling a completely fabricated story for years involving him being shot down in Iraq and escaping under fire.

Worse off, when the story broke, he provided an utterly ridiculous apology that not only refused to admit he lied, but confabulated even further that he was briefly confused for twelve years. No one earth, evidently, believes it’s possible for a person to legitimately confuse being shot down in a helicopter and, well, not being shot at all. For twelve years.

The Czar’s take on all this is pretty simple: he’s a pathological liar. Indeed, this is probably what has helped him deliver the news as an anchor for a while: he can completely dismiss the screaming dissonance in his own head by suppressing any sense of conscience for years. “Making shit up” is part and parcel of the modern news media. A guy like him not only doesn’t know what the truth is anymore, he doesn’t even care. He doesn’t need to.

But here it comes, America—expect a week or two of tut-tutting from all the other media outlets. We would never do that, they will say. Rest assured they will continue to bring you honest, accurate news that you can rely on. Such poor taste, they will cluck toward NBC.

Of course, this preening is what the Czar expects every single time the media is caught speeding. Fluff up the feathers, and start pecking at invisible mites.

You’re thinking Rolling Stone and its rape story, yes?

Let us not forget Dan Rather, of CBS News, participating in an obvious forgery to discredit President Bush’s military service. He has denied knowledge of the Killian hoax, but his lack of evidence and refusal to accept the falsity of his findings indicates strongly that he has too much to gain with the hoax. He’s a liar. But he’s mad at CBS News that dumped him for lying, when apparently that’s now cool at CBS News.

And was it not the Paper of Record, the New York Times, whose Jayson Blair was a rampant plagiarist that was tolerated until it went public. At least they learned their lesson, you think, until you Google Carol Vogel. Which is easier to type than Slavoj Žižek, whom you should also look into.

Don’t forget ABC News, who reported that the Colorado theater shooter was a Tea Party member, broke the story that Saddam Hussein was positively linked to the anthrax attacks of 2001, and has had issues since 1978 when it rigged a series of Ford products to explode on camera to terrify America over the car manufacturer’s safety. These aren’t mistakes: they were lies intended to fool the public.

Certainly, CNN has a rap-sheet so bad it has its own Wikipedia page.

This is why, certainly, the Czar instructs his lads to distrust every news story. Even conservative or right-wing outlets make “intentional” mistakes, although it can be harder to find such ready examples, largely because such sources aren’t considered “main stream.”

The Czar repeats himself too much that the news media have the same personality as a bratty fourteen-year-old girl. And sadly, many such girls are stuck on their image, even if it means lying outright about Taylor kissing Jennifer, how the scratch got on the kitchen table, or being shot down in a helicopter. What is certain to follow, as you explode in indignation over these blatant lies, is about fifteen minutes of angry hair-brushing and glaring into a mirror.

Stand by. The media will now reassure itself that the problem is with you, and not their particular organization.