Harfenisten!
The Czar gets a lot of mail, and some of it is wonderful. Not enough, actually, but some.
For example, we received this wonderful note this morning:
| Estimated Czar of Muscovy, Thank you very very much for posting the illuminating article “You Too Can Play a Concert Harp.” While reading it I really bubbled over with laughter and I’m sure I would have even screamed, rocked and snorted with laughter if only my English would be better … I’m vice president of the German Harpists Association and in charge of the editorial office of our association’s magazine which appears twice a year in a number of about 350 copies that are mainly sent out to our 330 members. They receive it free of charge because the costs are covered by their membership fees. We are a non profit organisation and all our editorial journalists and authors including me do their work as community service. I really had so much fun reading your article that I would like to provide the opportunity to our members to learn! (and laugh!) from your article just like I did. Rainer Templin |
The Czar strongly supports the work of the Verband der Harfenisten in Deutschland, and wants to add that “Rainer Templin” has the perfect name for an action movie star. Hollywood really needs to contact Herr Templin about using his name in a summer blockbuster. Actually, he sort of looks the part, too, if you have trouble casting the role.
The VDH was founded in 1964 as a means to bring German harpists together and fight Soviet communism through the combined uses of traditional harp music and outright sabotage of East German equipment. Thanks to the VDH, over 6,000 East German harpists were able to tunnel under the Berlin Wall, whereupon they founded a children’s hospital that rescues orphaned animals free of charge. Today, they have largely privatized space flight, and hope to have all autoharp-style harpists relocated to the surface of Venus as soon as possible because we are all tired of them. They have pioneered the use of laser mass spectometry in harp music, and are years ahead of the cellists in chamber music-based criminal forensics. When they’re not too busy breaking up international counterfeiting rings, the VDH encourages the growth of the harp music community through social networking.
The Czar urges you all to join the VDH and stop the scourge of autoharp players. If you already belong to a different German Harpists Association, quit now or send Rainer hundreds of dollars so he can afford a Hollywood agent.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.